09 May 2007
Today I'm feeling lost, and anything but a superhero. Stuck somewhere between the me I once was & the me I'd like to be. I can't help but feel that I messed up somewhere along the way & in making the choices I made, totally have made life more difficult for not only myself, but my kids, specifically my daughter. I can't help but feel "if only" and "what if" right now. I haven't a career in the respectable sense, but I'm not wealthy enough to not work. I know what I want, but I don't have the resources to do make it happen the way I want it to happen. People know what I can do, yet no one hires me. Worse, no one recommends me to others to hire. I once identified myself as "writer" and now I'm lucky if I can get a blog written that isn't complete fluff. I once was seen as "creative" now I have an occasional moment of crafty brilliance, but otherwise nada. I once was "philosophical & loved to debate", now my conversations amount to little more than the latest episode of "Oprah". I WANT to be the superhero. I want to make the world great for my kids. I want to take them to see the world, and experience it first hand. I want my daughter to be an exchange student, to learn languages, to see great art, to stand inside the beautiful architecture of Europe, to have a crush on an English boy, to write about the canals & rivers, to smell the French lavender, and taste the strudel. Instead I'm feeling like I can do no more than let her check a book out of the library and hope we return it on time.