09 May 2007

Mama Lost

Today I'm feeling lost, and anything but a superhero. Stuck somewhere between the me I once was & the me I'd like to be. I can't help but feel that I messed up somewhere along the way & in making the choices I made, totally have made life more difficult for not only myself, but my kids, specifically my daughter. I can't help but feel "if only" and "what if" right now. I haven't a career in the respectable sense, but I'm not wealthy enough to not work. I know what I want, but I don't have the resources to do make it happen the way I want it to happen. People know what I can do, yet no one hires me. Worse, no one recommends me to others to hire. I once identified myself as "writer" and now I'm lucky if I can get a blog written that isn't complete fluff. I once was seen as "creative" now I have an occasional moment of crafty brilliance, but otherwise nada. I once was "philosophical & loved to debate", now my conversations amount to little more than the latest episode of "Oprah". I WANT to be the superhero. I want to make the world great for my kids. I want to take them to see the world, and experience it first hand. I want my daughter to be an exchange student, to learn languages, to see great art, to stand inside the beautiful architecture of Europe, to have a crush on an English boy, to write about the canals & rivers, to smell the French lavender, and taste the strudel. Instead I'm feeling like I can do no more than let her check a book out of the library and hope we return it on time.

1 comment:

KimR said...

Well, thank you. I had to get my own da^* blog account to respond to you directly.

I TOTALLY get what you're saying! Hello?!? Remember me? I almost don't anymore!!

Listen, you're still creative, talented, and fun to hang out with and to work with.

As to sending your children off to study in the greater world, they'll have to meet you halfway on this. Daily you inspire them to want to learn more, to see more, to experience more, and to 'be' more, the thing is that they have to want it as well.

And then they have to get off their butts and apply themselves, be it reading a book, learning a language, or starting to save some money for a trip.

Believe me, I know.

How the heck did you think I made it to Germany as an exchange student?