29 September 2009

Friends, Fall and Fun

This past weekend we visited friend in southwestern Michigan for a lovely autumn weekend away.

Friday the teenagers (they have 2, we have 1) babysat the toddlers (they have 1, we have 2) while the adults had a delicious dinner & movie night. Let me say, tableside guacamole can't be beat! The new version of "FAME" however left alot to be desired. I will say more about this later in another post.

Saturday we went out to Windmill Island in Holland. It was lovely, peaceful, and really did give you a sense of being in the Netherlands. The little boys needed to nap, so Kaitlyn & Alex stayed home while the rest of us wandered downtown Holland.

Sunday all of us headed out to a cider mill/orchards for typical Autumn day of apple picking, hayrides, raspberry picking, and general fun. It was a delightful day!

21 September 2009

A Brick Wall

I do not know what to do with my teenage daughter anymore.
I love her, but I have so much anger toward her it takes all of my self-control and prayer to keep me from wanting to beat the crap out of her.
To the rest of the world she is sweet, kind, helpful.
To me she is rude, obnoxious, hateful, disobedient.
She won almost a full scholarship to her school (the best school around, I might add) because she scored higher than anyone else on her tests. She's been in the advanced gifted & talented programs since she was 4.
She's failing 2 classes, not because they are too hard, but because she's too lazy.
We've grounded her, taken away things, been nice, been angry, been rational...nothing matters to her. She's arrogant & pigheaded and if she doesn't want to do it, she won't. It doesn't matter to her that she is throwing away her whole future. She has the potential to be the #1 student in the school, and instead she's failing. By choice.
Last night was the last straw.
She called me an f-ing bitch all because we (God forbid) wanted her to shut up so Paul could help her with her math homework. (One of the classes she's failing.)
This escalated from there.
Today she started the morning with yet another fight.
I've called a child psychologist to please contact me.
I just don't know what to do anymore other than cry.
I do NOT want to ship her off to go live with her father, but part of me feels like maybe that's what she needs? I just don't know what to do anymore.

18 September 2009

Are Yo-yos supposed to have Ups as well as Downs?

My life has been a broken Yo-Yo. All down, no up.
I'm seriously depressed, and I don't know what more to do. Not only am I getting NO bites on any resume'/applications I send, neither is Paul. He handles the bills, so I'm not asking, but I don't know how we're going to cover the mortgage, etc. this month. I'm sure there will be some creative juggling, but I'm just so angry that this is where things are right now.
Angry that, once again, I feel worthless & unmarketable.
Angry that I have to worry so much.
Angry that others get ridiculous amounts handed to them and they appreciate nothing.
We aren't bad people. We aren't uneducated or unexperienced. So why the hell are we the ones who must struggle so hard?

14 September 2009

Creating Anew

So every year, after Bristol Renaissance Faire ends, everyone gets their things cleaned and packed away, and the lull of "real" life starts to set in...and then we get to do it all again for one short weekend! The Stronghold Faire happens the first weekend of October ONLY, and it's a great, low key, try something new opportunity. We all spend the night in the castle, go on hayrides, and take the shuttle into town where they have a big harvest festival going on. Last year I was able to go for a day. This year all of us (well, not the little ones) are going for the whole weekend and I'm giddy about it for some reason? Maybe it's because I'm trying on a new character to see how she fits?

SO, I sort of chose someone semi-randomly, and started some research. Turns out she's one of those women of the renaissance who actually have quite a bit written about her, and she's pretty darn interesting! So, I'm going through the process of making someone old, new. I'll let ya know more later!

07 September 2009

A Mind Obsessed

I don't know what it is lately, but my brain is obsessed with Mackinac Island.
Every time I fall asleep, I dream about the island.
Every time my mind starts to drift, I envision being on the island.
I don't know if it's just that time of year, or if something in the cosmos is trying to tell me something, but I do know that I can't stop thinking about it. Remembering it. Wishing I was there. Feeling the need to go there.
But my bank account tells me a different story.
Why can't someone just magically show up on my door step with an all-expense paid trip to Mackinac?