21 November 2009

Maturity Sucks

I hate being the mature one.
I hate doing what makes sense.
I hate giving others what they need when it breaks my heart.
I hate that there I have to hurt and have my soul ripped apart just so others than have the chance to grow.

No one told me that motherhood would be so freakin' painful.
No one told me that children would hate you while you try desperately to show them you love them.
No one told me that as an adult I'd so desperately NEED my own parents to hold ME and tell ME it's all going to be ok.

And then to be all alone.

My daughter has chosen her father's home over mine.
I have 2 months left with her.
I hate this.

19 November 2009

The Doldrums

Nautically speaking, the doldrums are that calm on the seas. That down time in which your sailboat is stuck, at the whim of the waters, waiting for a breeze to pick up so something can happen.

Personally speaking, my personal doldrums are rather the same. I feel like this time where neither Paul & I are working has been a time of existing on the whims of others who shall decide our fate as to whether we'll work or not. Each day is another day of waiting for something to happen...always hoping for it to be a strong but gentle wind and not a major storm waiting to keelhaul us.
I need some change. I need a wind toward adventure.

12 November 2009

I'd say "I Do" all over again

Today my wonderful husband, Paul, and I are celebrating our 4 year anniversary.

It was an unseasonably warm November day spent with friends family and much joy.

Today is an gorgeous day, too...and I think I love him even more!

Happy Anniversary honey! I'd marry you all over again...especcially if we could go on the 2 week honeymoon to England & Wales again right now!!! ;-)

06 November 2009

Burn the Guy!

Yesterday was Guy Fawkes Day in the UK. A day to remember that a government is supposed to work FOR the people. To me, its about a day of letting go of the past.

A good friend hosted a traditional Guy Fawkes bonfire, complete with effigy!

We all brought our own effigy too...that something we wanted to get rid of in our lives...whether it was money matters, weight issues, relationship problems, health problems, etc.

We followed it up with some traditional Bonfire Punch, Jacket Potatoes, Earl Grey Bread & Butter Pudding, brats, sausages & burgers. Let me say, I never had a more cathartic or fun night burning things!

05 November 2009

How to Let Go?

I'm being faced with a seriously painful dilemma. My teenager, whom I've both celebrated & ranted about here is thinking that she might want to go live with her father in Michigan. She's given me some rational reasons for it, and as an equally rational person I have to let her go, if that's what she wants. Her happiness & success is what matters most.

But heart is breaking. I feel like my soul is being ripped apart at the thought of it. I also feel angry. I do everything for her, take she & her friends everywhere. I try to expose her to everything so she'll be well rounded & smart. And it feels like her father will get to reap all the rewards of it.

Right now, I just can't stop the tears. She has to make the ultimate choice, and giving up that control REALLY hurts.

02 November 2009

Trick AND Treat

Halloween night was a blast!

The kids were precious and had a ton of fun "Trick or treating".

And some friends came by to put on a Dead Parade and help me scare the pants off teens & adults! it was hilarious fun!

I think I can still hear the laughter & screaming.

I love Halloween!!