21 November 2009

Maturity Sucks

I hate being the mature one.
I hate doing what makes sense.
I hate giving others what they need when it breaks my heart.
I hate that there I have to hurt and have my soul ripped apart just so others than have the chance to grow.

No one told me that motherhood would be so freakin' painful.
No one told me that children would hate you while you try desperately to show them you love them.
No one told me that as an adult I'd so desperately NEED my own parents to hold ME and tell ME it's all going to be ok.

And then to be all alone.

My daughter has chosen her father's home over mine.
I have 2 months left with her.
I hate this.


fin said...

Oh Tron,
I'm so sorry.
I will pray that during the time she spends away from you, she realizes the love you have given her.

I wish I could make the hurt go away.

Kanga said...


I am so sorry. I am reaching through cyber space and holding you...hugging you tight and telling you it WILL be ok. I am praying for you and for Kaitlyn. As fin said ... I pray that her eyes are opened during the time she will be away. The grass usually only LOOKS greener on the other side - until you get there. It might take a little while, but the differences will come to light and she will realize a few things: A) How much she loves and misses her Mommy B) How much she needs her Mommy C) How much Daddy is NOT the Prince Charming of her dreams ...

I pray for you ... for your hurt to heal ... for you to be able to be supportive, even when it feels like it will break you ... for you to be able to shower, not smother, her with love these next two months... I pray for your emotional healing ... I pray for you to breathe ... I pray for you to know how much YOU are valued and loved and needed and wanted...

And I promise you that my home will always be open to her ... for any reason, at any time. She won't be living all that far away and if she ever needs anything, I am here for her and my arms and my door are always open. Even at 3am.

Love you, Kimba!!!! {{{{hugs}}}}

Haasiegirl said...

I am so so sorry. I feel for you because my mom chose alcohol over me.

Maybe you can be my mom. It would fill both of us.


gena said...

Love your blog., thanks for sharing. I've added it to my favourites so will be visiting every now and then. My 2 childrean are 22 and 18 and I am still waiting for it to get better...LOL I remember when they were babies people would say it gets better the older they get... I am still waiting! swap-bot aka Creationsbygena for blogger swap.