20 April 2005


Tomorrow (4/21) is my birthday.
Paul's was yesterday.
Isn't it convenient?
But the reality of birthdays is that we aren't the same person,
we are older, and hopefully, wiser.
We have changed and evolved. We have another year of experience, and knowledge, behind us.
(We have no idea if we have another year ahead of us though. There's the kicker!)
What happens though, when you look back on the year, and see your own changes, but doubt if anyone else does?
That's sort of how I'm feeling right now...doubtful that any of the people I really hope see the changes do. Doubtful they even care to. And though I'd love to shout at them "Hey, look at where I was and who I was, and how much better (I think) I am now! I did it! I'm a good person, a better person!"
But the same person, all at the same time. The same person who loves my friends and family.
I'm kinder than I used to be...that's interesting to realize. I never thought of myself as a "bad" person, but I admit to being bitter. I'm happier too. And, without doubt, wiser.

Happy Birthday to me...I'd share it with you, if I could. I guess I am right now.

18 April 2005


I've lost touch with a friend.
I'd like to say I'm entirely to blame, but honestly, it does take two.
From what I've heard her life is good. She has a husband & child I wish I knew better.
She and I had such a past, its now hard to think we may never have a future.
We take friendships for granted sometimes, and its probably one of the most unfortunate aspects of life. We often feel that invincibility of "I'll do it tomorrow", and before we realize it tomorrow has become months...or years...and that connection is lost. Even if we try to reclaim it, that doesn't mean they will respond.

That's where I am right now, sending out messages, hoping for a response. Even it wasn't a positive one, a response would let me know.

I've also learned that sometimes we do things we have no idea we've done. Another friend who has chosen to be a memory blames me for something I'm not even aware of. I've apologized for whatever it may be, but how can we right a wrong we don't know about? It's really a wierd state of mind.

I have learned from these, and so many more experiences, that communication is give & take.
Last night Paul was angry about something, and once we truly communicated, realized it was based entirely upon assumptions, not truths.

The truth is communication.
I'm going to get better at this blog posting, I swear it.
I've been inspired by a friend's blog to try to get better about it.

The news in my life this year...we bought a house.
It's a great place. A home to grow with. A home to entertain in.
wow...that's almost surreal. I
t's a Craftsman Four Square built in 1917.
It's lovely.
Kaitlyn loves the large fenced in backyard.
Paul loves the natural woodwork throughout. ]
Me? I love that it's ours.