And yet, I can't seem to move on from a few friendships I've lost. There are a couple of friends who took themselves out of my life, and try as I might, I can't seem to get over it. They are like Marley's Chains hanging around my neck, weighting me down, tightening now & again to remind me that no matter how I might try, I haven't let go. I want to, I really do. I want to be able to say "it's over, its been years since you've been in my life, and I've moved on". But try as I might, I can't. I can't because I know what wonderful people they really are. I know how uniquely talented they are. I know that my life, heck I was better, because they were in it. I haven't let go because they are no longer a part of my daughter's life & she still thinks of them fondly. I haven't let go because it makes me sad that my son may never have them in his life. I haven't let go because part of me still wonders if they ever think fondly of me, and if things could ever be mended?
I believe I have begun to make amends with one of them. She has influenced, inspired, and affected my life for a long time now, even when she wasn't always around. I am continually grateful for even the briefest glimpses she gives me into her life, despite my wish for more. She will always be my red angel. The second friend is silly & strange & talented. I hope she is having nothing but success. I may never know. And the third. The gentleman. Out there somewhere in the world celebrating his birthday today. I hope he's happy. I hope he's well. From him I will always wish for answers. I can do nothing but send the most wonderful of birthday wishes for him out into the world.
I know I should just get over it. I want to. I can't. The answers & the closure isn't there. The Marley Chains are too heavy. Perhaps they always will be?