03 October 2007

Help Wanted

Are you looking for a new career?!?!
Do you want to work in a casual work environment with friendly people?!?!
We're currently hiring the following full-time positions:
Chef Must be willing to ominipotently know what anyone wants on any given day. Duties will include breakfast, packing lunches, dinner and two snacks, keeping kitchen anally retentively clean, putting away dishes in the dishwasher due to the employer's irritation at having to do this task. Baby bottles must continually be clean & prepped.
Housekeeper Duties to include scrubbing, dusting, sweeping including baseboards, cobwebs, mopping, making all beds, organizing offices, scrubbing toilets, stocking cupboards with stupid necessities like tampons or toilet paper when empty.
Laundress Duties will include at least one load every other day. Must be willing to wash the employer's very few work shirts on demand whenever they are soiled by spit up. Stain removal skills are a plus.
Accountant Must be willing to explain every single purchase made and explain reason for going over the grocery budget. Duties will also include reconciling the checkbook, making budget, paying bills, and filing tax returns. Ability to make money stretch further required.
Errand Boy This is a very important position. Must be willing to run to the grocery store without notice, take vehicles for scheduled maintenances, and any other piddly errands as deemed URGENT! AND NECESSARY! by employer. Hot, muscular body, bedroom eyes and a dashing smile a plus! Shirt NOT required.
Lawn Boy Must have extensive knowledge in flowers, shrubs, and grasses and the ability to make things grow in sandy, nutrient-depleted soil. Again, a hot, muscular body, bedroom eyes and a dashing smile are a DEFINITE plus! Shirt is also NOT required.
Scientist specializing in cloning Must have the ability to clone the employer so that she can be relieved of some of her duties and have time for herself too. Clone will be responsible for making doctor's appointments, remembering birthdays & sending cards to all friends and extended family, making certain the diaper bag actually contains, you know, diapers.

Salary is very competitive and commensurate with what the finest SAHM's are being paid!!!!Apply today!!!!


Fin said...

um - yikes.
and (of course) you should be able to do all of this because you "only work part time" right?

Kassi said...

I don't want to hire anyone, I want an indentured servant. That way I can keep my coin and go shopping while he takes care of the above mentioned tasks.

I wonder if I could market this some how. I know that my husband wouldn't mind - then he wouldn't have to do the dishes.