Exhaustion

"Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest" (Psalm 55:6)

I have slept 7 hours cumulative in the past 4 days. I'm exhausted. I feel like someone is playing some cruel trick on me. Every time I lay my "snugglebug" down in his crib or bassinet and then get into bed myself, the moment my head hits the pillow, he's up. Literally, every time. If I hold him, no problem. If I'm out of the house, no problem. If I'm up doing something, no problem. But let me attempt to sleep, forget it. And yes, I am to the point of wanting to smother my husband with the pillow as he sleeps (because he has to go to work at 6am). Instead I spent the night calling him names I'm glad my son is too young to understand.

A New Step

I don't really have alot to say. My days consist mostly of diaper, bottle, sing songs, watch stupid television (Thank God for HGTV & Discovery channel), repeat. Sometimes there's sleep in there. I haven't been able to go do much (hubby has been working crazy overtime & takes the car to work), save the occasional walk around the neighbourhood. (It's almost 80 degrees today!) So my life is rather dull, and hardly worth blogging about. I can't say I like it. I love my son, but the lack of mental stimulation is boring me to death. (Someone please inspire me!)

The only thing new I have to share is that after countless years portraying the same character at the Bristol Renaissance Faire, I'm finally playing someone new this year! (Ok, so we'll only be out a couple of times, but hey its a change!) Hubby & I will be Sir Edward & Lady Elizabeth Darcy. Yes, for anyone who knows us they'll get the joke (as we both love "Pride & Prejudice"). Sir Edward held the monopoly on playing cards during Queen Elizabeth I's reign...so we'll be learning & playing lots of card games with people. I'm not the raging Catholic anymore. I'm not the enemy. I'm not the bad guy. I'm one of the girls now...I don't know how to do that. Not even in real life have I ever considered myself "one of the girls"...so this is going to be a stretch to my acting abilities...and that's sort of exciting.

First of Spring

Today my son is one month old. I can't believe how fast these 4 weeks have flown by. I can't believe how each day blends into the last. I guess interrupted sleep will do that to a person. But I do know that every day I love him more & more. Each day I am more impressed with who he is and who he will become.

My baby boy is growing well and isn't entirely drowning in his newborn clothes anymore. He is keeping his head up more & more each day...and in the early development he's actually rolled himself over from his tummy to his back 4 or 5 times now during "tummy time"! (See the artistic action shot?) Wow, what a strong boy I have! Yeah...if you're dropping into read my blog these days you're just going to have to deal with these little proud mommy moments.

Me...I feel pretty recovered from the C-section at this point. I've noticed my libido returning, so I guess my body is feeling pretty well. Hubby should be pleased. (Yeah, probably too much information, but hey, its honest.)

My annual birthday bash will be celebrated this year with his Baptism (on my b-day) which I think is kinda cool. We'll have everyone back to the house for cocktails, snacks & birthday cake for hubby & I. Any suggestions for gifts for the Godparents??

An Ode to Caleb

In my son's 3 1/2 weeks of life here on the outside I have never had more conversations, discussions, or given more praise for poop, farts or burps. Maybe it's a boy thing? But I find my self (and the hubby) praising the little guys burps ("Yeah, that was a big one"), flatulence ("Oooh, that has to feel better now") and even his excrement ("MegaPoo!") This is to say nothing of the continual fear of the "firehose" that could go off at any given diaper change...all over himself or me. I suppose considering it takes up a third of my day (the other 2/3 consumed by feedings and singing silly madeup songs...not sleep!) My husband suggested that since we do renaissance faire, we should have reconsidered naming him "Henry Tooter"! (haha!)

I suddenly feel my intellectual self slipping slowly away into the diaper pail! Save me!!

Sunshine on my Shoulder makes Me Happy

Anyone remember that song from the 70s? The point is that the current temperature is 70 degrees and gorgeously sunny, so despite being exhausted, its a fabulous day. The Snugglebug & I ventured forth on our first walk together around the neighbourhood (which includes a cute little "downtown" area of shops). The bumps of the sidewalk lulled him into a nap, but I had my iPod of tunes, the warm sun and the glory of no jacket to entertain me on our hour outing. I have a feeling this will become a habit...and who knows maybe I'll lose this baby weight?

Zombie

Saturday we went to one of my best friend's daughter's first birthday party. It was a nice outing, saw lots of people, ate great food, and generally enjoyed socializing. Sebastian was quite the social butterfly. Sunday he, the hubby & I wandered around the Domes in Milwaukee. (The Domes are 3 glass domes each with a different garden...tropical, desert & then the specialty dome, which currently is filled with lush fragrant spring flowers & a special train exhibit running through it all.) It was nice to walk around & gardens, and a chance to try out the new stroller. The kidlet wasn't feeling well, so she stayed home & rested. Unfortunately she got worse & spent the day home from school today sleeping. Today was hubby's first day back to work full time...it is now 9:30pm and I'm getting my first real break since this time yesterday. I'm exhausted. It's amazing how someone who is less than 8lbs. can wear you out. Sleep would be good, I should just go to bed now, but I'd really like to have a little time to myself & maybe even some with my husband...how do you make that happen??

My Lastest Addition

So I've now acquired yet another new addition to the household...my very own iPod Nano! I'm stupidly excited & no longer jealous of my 13-year-old. I've even ordered a orange leather case for it. I've always loved music...was a radio DJ once upon a time...and the thought of putting so many songs onto this tiny little portable device thrills me to no end. And let's just say the baby's lullabys have vastly improved in the past 2 days!

2 weeks

Our son is 2 weeks old today and growing. He's very sweet.

However, I've realized a few things in these past 14 days:

1. You don't realize how much you use your abdominal muscles for everyday things until you've had them cut, restitched & stapled.

2. I always said "Sleep is for the weak"...well I'm feeling pretty weak right now, and could use more sleep!

3. Just because the tag says 0-3 months doesn't mean your baby will actually fill those clothes very well...and will end up looking like a little old man with his pants pulled up to his nipples.

4. When given the choice between eating, blogging, or sleeping...sleep will win out.

5. 2am really is a good time to watch a movie with your husband...and thank God for Netflix.

6. Other friends with babies are wonderful to vent to. They are the only ones who truly understand.

7. If you don't get a break from feedings or get a shower in several days, you will end up hating your husband.

8. Whoever said little boys are easier to diaper than little girls obviously never had a little boy. They are like a trigger just waiting to go off. And poo gets all over their little boy bits.

9. Visitors want to hold the new baby and thinks its adorable when they rock him to sleep. Yeah...could you please keep that in mind when I'm the one up with him all night because you made him sleep all day?

10. You can and will know the deepest, most unconditional love when you have a child...even when they pee on you in the middle of the night.

Welcome to the World!

Our son Sebastian Raymond was born last Wednesday, 21 February 2007 at 11:02am weighing in at 7 lbs. 2 oz. and18 1/2" long. So far he's been a healthy, contented baby who doesn't cry much and loves to snuggle. I've nicknamed him my "Snuggle Bug".

We started the day by dropping the kidlet off at our friends' Jodi & Ray's house (they live 1/2 a block from her school) before heading down to the hospital. That's the thing with a scheduled C-section, there is none of the mad rush to the hospital, the contractions during the drive that seems so long. Once checked in we were ushered to the room, changed into the lovely hospital gown, IV injected and then left to wait. My doctor was already in another surgery, so my C-section would be delayed. I took the time to nap while the hubby read. But soon enough the nurse came to walk me to the OR and the nerves set in. I couldn't help but realizing that in nearly moments they would be cutting me open and I shook with nervous fear all through the insertion of the spinal block. I was grateful it took effect immediately, though let me tell ya its rather disturbing to mentally tell your body "wiggle toes" and for nothing to happen. As the nurses & doctor all arrived I simply kept thinking about my parents (whom I desperately wish could share in this exciting time), my daughter, my husband and the new bundle o' joy we were about to meet.

Paul was brought into the room, held my hand, and I could feel the doctor tugging at my lower half. I am surprised at just how fast it all was, because quickly I heard them say "Here he is!" and could see Paul watching everything over the sterile curtain with baited breath. Then I heard the sweetest, low pitched cry and felt a tear fall down my cheek. I could hear the nurses counting out fingers & toes. I asked "Does he have ten of each? All where they belong?" Paul smiled & nodded and they called him over to see our new son. "He's definately Polish" Paul laughed (refering to the enlarged size of his boy bits!) I lay on the table, sighing in relief when I heard a nurse say his APGAR was 9. Then a nurse said "Want to meet your son?" I looked up into the sweet face and was surprised at how fair he was. My daughter had been born with a very full head of black hairs. Sebastian is fair with wispy light brown hairs. And then I kissed him.

You know that "Love at first sight" thing? Yeah...I don't know about romantic love, but that is oh so true of the love you are hit with when you first see your own child. I was hooked forever.

Recovery was in my room...fairly uneventful except for not even being able to keep ice chips down and uber-swollen feet & legs thanks to the anethesia. I only spent two full days in the hospital and hubby was able to stay both nights. Our friends brought Big Sis to the hospital immediately after school, who presented her new baby brother with an adorable big balloon. She cried while holding her baby brother and kept telling him how cute he is and how much she loves him. I was filled with pride and hope for the future watching her hold him and kiss him. (She likes to call him "kiwi head" since his head and hairs are so soft & fuzzy...you can see her cuddling with him here.)

Hubby's parents, the oh-s0-proud new grandparents arrived, along with Auntie/Godmother Andrea. They are wonderfully excited to have a grandbaby and I can tell the spoiling is about to begin. I'm glad he, like Kaitlyn, will have wonderful doting grandparents. Then Godfather Matt arrived, who seems smitten too.

And now we're home. Successfully finding some semblence of a system, if not a routine. I had my staples removed yesterday & the diagnosis is that I'm healing well. Breastfeeding has been a frustrating, unsuccessful test of wills. But our son is doing well, as are we, and I can't wait to see what the future holds!