This morning I sold my car.
I know, people buy & sell cars all the time, but this effected me in a way I never expected it to. This car was a friend when I felt alone. It gave me freedom. I had a car given to me by my parents when I was in college, but when it died, my ex-husband had a few vehicles that were mine to drive, as well.
When we divorced, he took the car, leaving me to have to get my own transportation. That's when I purchased my Ford Taurus. It is the only car I've ever purchased on my own. It was liberating to have the knowledge it was all mine (no car payments), at a time I felt I had nothing left. It meant a new found freedom. I drove everywhere, including to a new state, a new life with my daughter, and a new approach to life in general. This car gave me independence. It was a great car, and I replaced a good many things in it to keep it well. But last fall it died. Engine troubles that would amount to over $1600. I'm not employed still, so I can't afford it. Besides, arguments come down to it not being worth investing in, and so when someone randomly came to my door asking if it was for sale, I had to let it go (for a measly few hundred dollars). But emotionally I feel like I'm not only losing a friend, but any chance of freedom I have. I feel that once again I'm dependent upon a man. And even though my new husband is kind and loving, I don't like feeling that way. Even with the car not running, as long as I had it, I had independence & freedom that was mine alone. Now I will have NO car (except his to borrow as I have for months anyway), and it's a difficult reality to face. I know we'll get me a new car one of these days, but for now I can't help but feel the pangs of guilt as I prepare to turn my friend over to someone else.