catch-22

Feeling like I'm in a hamster wheel...always running, but getting no where, and with no one.

My husband is working 2 jobs. All.the.time. and I'm perceived as the ungrateful bitch of a wife because how dare I complain that I can't ever get anything done. I mean, so what that I work and take care of the kids, cook the meals, and oh, just might need some alone time to do what? Oh, grocery shop!

Clearly I'm just an unreasonable bitch. Sorry about that. Oh, let's add in that I've had a cold for two weeks I can't get rid of, probably because I haven't had a full nights sleep in months, with even less this week than "normal". (5 hours in 3 nights.)
Oh, and that Halloween party we have every year? Yeah, you just go ahead & work...clearly I'll do everything by myself! Oh, I have to work that day too? I guess I'll be the one dealing with the babysitter issue, the cooking, the decorating, getting myself costumed with historically accurate hair & makeup, and having guests arrive in the 5 hours "free".

But I'm an ungrateful bitch who doesn't understand that he's working. Yeah.

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Losing Faith

I'm angry.
I've tried to hard to be faithful...to believe in God...to trust Him.
But I'm losing my faith because horrible people continue to do horrible things, while good people suffer.
This week my mother is suffering...to a point that she may be slowly dying.
My mother is the most devout person I've ever known.
My mother put all her trust in God.
She was gifted with incredible talent as a dancer & figure skater.
Her ability to use her legs was taken away by MS.
My mother adored my father.
He was taken away unexpectedly & quickly.
My mother was raised well to do, and loves enjoying life, particularly really good foods.
Now her ability to eat is being taken away.
This is cruel.
It's not fair.
And I'm angry.
Very angry.
I want to scream at God. I want to hit Him.
I want to know why she should be forced to suffer.
I want my mom back.

The Chill in the Air

Autumn.

My favourite time of the year!

I just adore the crisp, cold air that requires a jacket or sweater.

I adore the fantastic colours the world becomes...red, orange, gold, green, purple...its rich & stunning & inspiring.

I adore snuggling under a warm blanket with my husband.

I adore watching the kids jumping in the leaves.

I love the crunch of the leaves beneath my feet while taking a stroll.

I love that the bugs & humidity are gone.

I love Halloween.

I wish it could stay this sort of weather year round.
(The closest I can get to that is England...and sadly, I'm not there.) *sigh*
For now, I just try to enjoy every moment of this beautiful season!

(Photos taken by me at Petrifying Springs Park-Kenosha, WI)

Gleeful through the Tears

Last night was the most powerful episode of the TV show GLEE.
Hilariously called "Grilled Cheesus" it focused on religion, faith, beliefs, fear, and doubt. It really hit home for me, and despite feeling terribly sick, I cried my way through the episode.

After my father's death 5 years ago, and my mom's struggle with MS, I've found myself doubting my faith again & again. I get angry because my mom is probably the most devout person I've ever known, and yet she suffers in pain every day. Mom never missed a Holy Day or Sunday at Church. She prays daily. She is a kind, giving person. She is unable to walk at all. She had been a professional figure skater & dancer, and this is the punishment she has been given. Why?!?!

My father was raised by faithful parents, and converted to Catholicism as an adult. He would have loved to have been a priest, and vowed to if mom had passed away first. He adored my mom and took incredible care of her. He taught me to expect a lot from a husband...and life. Then, despite being incredibly healthy & strong, in a moment he died. Fast, unexpected, and long before his time. Why?!?!

So I'm grateful to the cast of GLEE for their bravery in presenting a topic, that could be so controversial, so eloquently.

Back in Time...again

It's yet another Time Travelling weekend!
This time it's back to 1574 and the Stronghold Renaissance Faire in Oregon, IL
I always love performing at this faire, as it is very low key, the site is spectacular, the weather is perfect, and I always get to play someone new. This year I'm pulling out Lady Catherine Talbot (I played her 2 years ago at Stronghold). I like her alot, and would consider asking to play her at Bristol even. There isn't alot about her that I've found so far, but my persona of her is a unique one for me. She's a chameleon. She is whatever anyone thinks she is...but she is true to herself in it. I think I'll enjoy developing her further.
Once she's married she is the Countess of Pembroke. I asked to play her unmarried, as I didn't want to upset anyone by asking to play a high ranked character. Guess what? As the daughter of an earl, I'm still the 4th highest ranking person! Oops! Didn't plan it that way, and if certain individuals get pissy about it, I guess that's their problem, not mine. I couldn't care less about rank, it's about playing an interesting character.
A couple good friends (Tab, Ansel, Heather, Brian, Rick, Misty) aren't going to be there, sadly. I wish there were. It's always fun with them.
Pictures next week!