07 December 2011

Lost Faith

'Tis the season.
And I've lost my faith.
People talk about "God's greater plan".  I don't buy it.
People talk about "it's in God's hands".  I'm not believing it.
People say, "Just have faith".  I can't anymore.
If God's greater plan is to let good people suffer without any hope of living life & merely existing in pain, 
then God's a real jerk. If God's plan is to let little children be abused, he's clueless.  
I WANT to have faith.  I WANT to believe God is out there looking out for us.  
But I'm really having a hard time trusting it anymore.
I WANT to have comfort in God, but all I feel is angry.
Angry that my mom, a beautiful, vibrant, kind lady has had to suffer a non-life for years now.
Angry that good people get nothing for their kindness or hard work. 
Angry that innocent children are killed at the hands of creatures worse than any wild animal.
Angry that good, loving couples are denied children yet teenagers or drug addicts or worse can get pregnant at a glance.
Angry.  At a God who allows it to happen.
And angry at the people who say it's "God's Will".  
My faith is hanging on by a shoestring, God.  Can't I have some sign to restore my faith?

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