21 November 2008

Baby Sings the Blues

I've just been blue lately.
I don't know if it's post-partum guk, or if its just life.
At Darcy's 4 month check up they made me fill out a questioniere asking questions like "Have you felt stressed, anxious, or nervous in the past 2 weeks?" Uh...yeah. But Christmas (and Kaitlyn's birthday) are coming next month and I have no gifts yet and money is tight, and....
or "Do you not look forward to things you used to look forward to?" Uh...yeah. But again, money is always an issue & my own extended family are schmucks, and some of my friends are really miss are far away, and have all sorts of things I want to do but can't afford to do and don't have the time to do even if I had the money. "Do you feel bad about yourself or blame yourself for things?" Uh...yeah. I have all sorts of extra weight I'm hating to the point I can't stand to even look at myself in the mirror, and yet my self control seems non-existant. I hate all the clothes I do have but can't afford to buy myself anything new so I'll at least feel cute. Oh, and money again...I feel like its my fault I can't give everyone all the things I WANT to give them. Or take a trip to visit my mom. Or...

You get the idea.

So am I suffering post-partum depression? I don't know. I do know I feel in a constant state of frustration, have zero energy for anything, and everyone pisses me off on a regular basis.

Happy freakin' Holidays. guh.


Kimmer said...

I don't know if it's post partum or not......I WOULD like to point out that giving birth to two kids in two years is a hellova thing to put the human body through so if anyone "deserves" to feel a little blue, it's YOU, sister!!

I think part of things is that it's "that" time of year again and this year's economy sucks such great ass that everyone I know feels the same $$ frustrations that you do. --Not that it's any great consolation.......

None of us expect anything more from you this holiday season than for you to be happy and healthy!

......and if you need to:

for those people who bug the crap out of you, it's OK to let them know that you ARE personal friends with an assassin!

Kassi said...

You can take the bow I will take the stern. We are in the same boat, different reasons...but also the gloomy weather over here doesn't help. Just take care of you, and remember that we love you.