Exhaustion

"Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest" (Psalm 55:6)

I have slept 7 hours cumulative in the past 4 days. I'm exhausted. I feel like someone is playing some cruel trick on me. Every time I lay my "snugglebug" down in his crib or bassinet and then get into bed myself, the moment my head hits the pillow, he's up. Literally, every time. If I hold him, no problem. If I'm out of the house, no problem. If I'm up doing something, no problem. But let me attempt to sleep, forget it. And yes, I am to the point of wanting to smother my husband with the pillow as he sleeps (because he has to go to work at 6am). Instead I spent the night calling him names I'm glad my son is too young to understand.

A New Step

I don't really have alot to say. My days consist mostly of diaper, bottle, sing songs, watch stupid television (Thank God for HGTV & Discovery channel), repeat. Sometimes there's sleep in there. I haven't been able to go do much (hubby has been working crazy overtime & takes the car to work), save the occasional walk around the neighbourhood. (It's almost 80 degrees today!) So my life is rather dull, and hardly worth blogging about. I can't say I like it. I love my son, but the lack of mental stimulation is boring me to death. (Someone please inspire me!)

The only thing new I have to share is that after countless years portraying the same character at the Bristol Renaissance Faire, I'm finally playing someone new this year! (Ok, so we'll only be out a couple of times, but hey its a change!) Hubby & I will be Sir Edward & Lady Elizabeth Darcy. Yes, for anyone who knows us they'll get the joke (as we both love "Pride & Prejudice"). Sir Edward held the monopoly on playing cards during Queen Elizabeth I's reign...so we'll be learning & playing lots of card games with people. I'm not the raging Catholic anymore. I'm not the enemy. I'm not the bad guy. I'm one of the girls now...I don't know how to do that. Not even in real life have I ever considered myself "one of the girls"...so this is going to be a stretch to my acting abilities...and that's sort of exciting.

First of Spring

Today my son is one month old. I can't believe how fast these 4 weeks have flown by. I can't believe how each day blends into the last. I guess interrupted sleep will do that to a person. But I do know that every day I love him more & more. Each day I am more impressed with who he is and who he will become.

My baby boy is growing well and isn't entirely drowning in his newborn clothes anymore. He is keeping his head up more & more each day...and in the early development he's actually rolled himself over from his tummy to his back 4 or 5 times now during "tummy time"! (See the artistic action shot?) Wow, what a strong boy I have! Yeah...if you're dropping into read my blog these days you're just going to have to deal with these little proud mommy moments.

Me...I feel pretty recovered from the C-section at this point. I've noticed my libido returning, so I guess my body is feeling pretty well. Hubby should be pleased. (Yeah, probably too much information, but hey, its honest.)

My annual birthday bash will be celebrated this year with his Baptism (on my b-day) which I think is kinda cool. We'll have everyone back to the house for cocktails, snacks & birthday cake for hubby & I. Any suggestions for gifts for the Godparents??

An Ode to Caleb

In my son's 3 1/2 weeks of life here on the outside I have never had more conversations, discussions, or given more praise for poop, farts or burps. Maybe it's a boy thing? But I find my self (and the hubby) praising the little guys burps ("Yeah, that was a big one"), flatulence ("Oooh, that has to feel better now") and even his excrement ("MegaPoo!") This is to say nothing of the continual fear of the "firehose" that could go off at any given diaper change...all over himself or me. I suppose considering it takes up a third of my day (the other 2/3 consumed by feedings and singing silly madeup songs...not sleep!) My husband suggested that since we do renaissance faire, we should have reconsidered naming him "Henry Tooter"! (haha!)

I suddenly feel my intellectual self slipping slowly away into the diaper pail! Save me!!

Sunshine on my Shoulder makes Me Happy

Anyone remember that song from the 70s? The point is that the current temperature is 70 degrees and gorgeously sunny, so despite being exhausted, its a fabulous day. The Snugglebug & I ventured forth on our first walk together around the neighbourhood (which includes a cute little "downtown" area of shops). The bumps of the sidewalk lulled him into a nap, but I had my iPod of tunes, the warm sun and the glory of no jacket to entertain me on our hour outing. I have a feeling this will become a habit...and who knows maybe I'll lose this baby weight?

Zombie

Saturday we went to one of my best friend's daughter's first birthday party. It was a nice outing, saw lots of people, ate great food, and generally enjoyed socializing. Sebastian was quite the social butterfly. Sunday he, the hubby & I wandered around the Domes in Milwaukee. (The Domes are 3 glass domes each with a different garden...tropical, desert & then the specialty dome, which currently is filled with lush fragrant spring flowers & a special train exhibit running through it all.) It was nice to walk around & gardens, and a chance to try out the new stroller. The kidlet wasn't feeling well, so she stayed home & rested. Unfortunately she got worse & spent the day home from school today sleeping. Today was hubby's first day back to work full time...it is now 9:30pm and I'm getting my first real break since this time yesterday. I'm exhausted. It's amazing how someone who is less than 8lbs. can wear you out. Sleep would be good, I should just go to bed now, but I'd really like to have a little time to myself & maybe even some with my husband...how do you make that happen??

My Lastest Addition

So I've now acquired yet another new addition to the household...my very own iPod Nano! I'm stupidly excited & no longer jealous of my 13-year-old. I've even ordered a orange leather case for it. I've always loved music...was a radio DJ once upon a time...and the thought of putting so many songs onto this tiny little portable device thrills me to no end. And let's just say the baby's lullabys have vastly improved in the past 2 days!

2 weeks

Our son is 2 weeks old today and growing. He's very sweet.

However, I've realized a few things in these past 14 days:

1. You don't realize how much you use your abdominal muscles for everyday things until you've had them cut, restitched & stapled.

2. I always said "Sleep is for the weak"...well I'm feeling pretty weak right now, and could use more sleep!

3. Just because the tag says 0-3 months doesn't mean your baby will actually fill those clothes very well...and will end up looking like a little old man with his pants pulled up to his nipples.

4. When given the choice between eating, blogging, or sleeping...sleep will win out.

5. 2am really is a good time to watch a movie with your husband...and thank God for Netflix.

6. Other friends with babies are wonderful to vent to. They are the only ones who truly understand.

7. If you don't get a break from feedings or get a shower in several days, you will end up hating your husband.

8. Whoever said little boys are easier to diaper than little girls obviously never had a little boy. They are like a trigger just waiting to go off. And poo gets all over their little boy bits.

9. Visitors want to hold the new baby and thinks its adorable when they rock him to sleep. Yeah...could you please keep that in mind when I'm the one up with him all night because you made him sleep all day?

10. You can and will know the deepest, most unconditional love when you have a child...even when they pee on you in the middle of the night.

Welcome to the World!

Our son Sebastian Raymond was born last Wednesday, 21 February 2007 at 11:02am weighing in at 7 lbs. 2 oz. and18 1/2" long. So far he's been a healthy, contented baby who doesn't cry much and loves to snuggle. I've nicknamed him my "Snuggle Bug".

We started the day by dropping the kidlet off at our friends' Jodi & Ray's house (they live 1/2 a block from her school) before heading down to the hospital. That's the thing with a scheduled C-section, there is none of the mad rush to the hospital, the contractions during the drive that seems so long. Once checked in we were ushered to the room, changed into the lovely hospital gown, IV injected and then left to wait. My doctor was already in another surgery, so my C-section would be delayed. I took the time to nap while the hubby read. But soon enough the nurse came to walk me to the OR and the nerves set in. I couldn't help but realizing that in nearly moments they would be cutting me open and I shook with nervous fear all through the insertion of the spinal block. I was grateful it took effect immediately, though let me tell ya its rather disturbing to mentally tell your body "wiggle toes" and for nothing to happen. As the nurses & doctor all arrived I simply kept thinking about my parents (whom I desperately wish could share in this exciting time), my daughter, my husband and the new bundle o' joy we were about to meet.

Paul was brought into the room, held my hand, and I could feel the doctor tugging at my lower half. I am surprised at just how fast it all was, because quickly I heard them say "Here he is!" and could see Paul watching everything over the sterile curtain with baited breath. Then I heard the sweetest, low pitched cry and felt a tear fall down my cheek. I could hear the nurses counting out fingers & toes. I asked "Does he have ten of each? All where they belong?" Paul smiled & nodded and they called him over to see our new son. "He's definately Polish" Paul laughed (refering to the enlarged size of his boy bits!) I lay on the table, sighing in relief when I heard a nurse say his APGAR was 9. Then a nurse said "Want to meet your son?" I looked up into the sweet face and was surprised at how fair he was. My daughter had been born with a very full head of black hairs. Sebastian is fair with wispy light brown hairs. And then I kissed him.

You know that "Love at first sight" thing? Yeah...I don't know about romantic love, but that is oh so true of the love you are hit with when you first see your own child. I was hooked forever.

Recovery was in my room...fairly uneventful except for not even being able to keep ice chips down and uber-swollen feet & legs thanks to the anethesia. I only spent two full days in the hospital and hubby was able to stay both nights. Our friends brought Big Sis to the hospital immediately after school, who presented her new baby brother with an adorable big balloon. She cried while holding her baby brother and kept telling him how cute he is and how much she loves him. I was filled with pride and hope for the future watching her hold him and kiss him. (She likes to call him "kiwi head" since his head and hairs are so soft & fuzzy...you can see her cuddling with him here.)

Hubby's parents, the oh-s0-proud new grandparents arrived, along with Auntie/Godmother Andrea. They are wonderfully excited to have a grandbaby and I can tell the spoiling is about to begin. I'm glad he, like Kaitlyn, will have wonderful doting grandparents. Then Godfather Matt arrived, who seems smitten too.

And now we're home. Successfully finding some semblence of a system, if not a routine. I had my staples removed yesterday & the diagnosis is that I'm healing well. Breastfeeding has been a frustrating, unsuccessful test of wills. But our son is doing well, as are we, and I can't wait to see what the future holds!

The Home Stretch

Well, despite what my baby ticker above says, I only have 5 days until the baby is scheduled to arrive. This will probably be my last post until after that, since my computer at home is on the fritz and away being fixed (hopefully). I want to thank everyone who has given me/us support, wisdom, and friendship over these past months...and for more to come, I'm certain! I will definately let ya'll know the whos, wheres, what, whens & hows of his arrival as soon as I possibly can!

I'm nervous, I must admit. Today is my final day at work before beginning maternity leave and as long as I was still working it meant I still had time. But here it is, and the reality of it all is starting to hit...in a couple of days I'll have a son. Wow! That's hard to imagine. I'm starting over as a parent. And I'm worried I won't know what to do! Wish us luck, keep us in your thoughts & prayers...we'll let you know how the journey begins!

Friday's Feast

Appetizer:
What sound, other than the normal ringing, would you like your telephone to make?
Well, my home phone does nothing remarkable, but my cell phone plays either the Avatar:The Last Airbender theme song or "Reach Up for the Sunrise" by Duran Duran.
Soup
Describe your usual disposition in meteorological terms (partly cloudy, sunny, stormy, etc.).
Mostly sunny with a hint of storm clouds. I'm pretty happy today, but I'm also a little worried about the upcoming delivery!
Salad
What specific subject do you feel you know better than any other subjects?
After waaaay too many years working with renaissance faires, I'd definately have to say I'm nearly an expert on the Elizabethan era, particularly regarding the way of life & clothing. Go ahead, quiz me!
Main Course
Imagine you were given the ability to remember everything you read for one entire day. Which books/magazines/newspapers would you choose to read?
Fortunately I read fairly fast, so I think I'd plow through a few classics so I could quote them at whim, maybe read the Bible, and some history books
Dessert
If a popular candy maker contacted you to create their next confection, what would it be like and what would you name it?
Since the best chocolates in the world to me are either Raisin & Biscuit Yorkie bars from England or Mozart chocolates from Austria, I'd want either of those companies to contact me. I think I'd want something chocolate - raspberry flavoured named after me, of course. Kimba is a good name for a chocolate truffle bar, don'tcha think?

Kindness

I've had some really crappy jobs. Ok, maybe the jobs weren't really crappy, but some of the people I've worked with...or for...have been. So now that I have a job I really enjoy and some amazing people to work for & with, I am grateful. Today they proved even more how sweet they are by giving me a "congratulations on the baby/we'll miss you while you're on maternity leave" luncheon. Yummy Mexican food, adorable presents for baby boy, and a $50 gift card to "use on baby if you must, but really you should use it for yourself". This from 2 great bosses & 1 co-worker whom I can't appreciate enough. Yeah...sometimes you have to see why the people & the job are worth more than the low salary.

Speaking of kindness, I was actually touched by last night's season finale of "Beauty & the Geek". Yes, I admit to being an addicted fan of the reality show, but it reminds me of oh-so-many people I've know...both the beauties AND the geeks. My favourite "geek" won, which made me happy, but it was the second place "geek" that was the real hero of the show. See, his teammate, this bimbo named CeCe, hadn't changed, hadn't been affected by the experiment of the show, hadn't grown as a person. She is the kind of person who believes she deserves to be pampered, taken care of, and have only wealthy men in her life...and will stomp on anyone who tries to prevent her from having it. Her bleached blonde, little girly voice image had to be preserved at any cost...and because of it, her partner Nate, was more than willing to give up the $250,000 prize money in the hopes that maybe, just maybe someday she would learn a lesson from the whole thing. It was about his growth, his self-sacrifice in this day & age when most people really seem out for the cash, the glory, the celebrity of reality TV. He proved that the point of the show really is about people and self-growth. Maybe its goofy to be moved by a TV show created by Ashton Kutcher of all people...but it seems like one of the few shows on primetime these days that really gets into the psyche and emotions and basics of people and stereotypes...and that kindness does win in the end.

Lovey

Happy Valentine's Day my friends!

Whether you have a love to share it with, or simply need to indulge yourself, have a GREAT Valentine's Day! May your day have richness (mmm...chocolate), beauty (flowers or jewelry), and love (particularly for yourself)!

My night will probably consist of having a heart-shaped pizza with the family and, if I'm really lucky, playing a game with them. However, the ex is actually coming to our side of the lake this weekend to pick up the kidlet & spend the weekend in Chicago with her, so hubby & I will probably celebrate Valentine's and our last weekend before baby arrives then.

UPDATE

Ok...so after complaining to Target, this is the response I received via email:

"I'm sorry for any disappointment, but we are unable to assist you with an exchange or store credit.Unless an item is listed on your registry purchase log, our return policy requires a receipt dated within 90 days for any return. As a guest service, you were able to return a few items without a receipt. Our computer system tracks every return using your driver's license or photo ID. Now you've reached your maximum number of returns without a receipt - that's why you now need to have a receipt for any item not listed on your registry purchase log. Great products. Great value. And a great shopping experience - every time you visit our stores. That's what Target is all about. Your feedback is a big help to us, and I'll make sure to share your comments with our executives. Please let us know if we can be of any help in the future.Thanks again for shopping with us. I hope you'll visit us again soon at Target.Sincerely,Tom Target Gift Registrieswww.target.com"

Gee, thanks for the help Target. I'm still stuck with things I don't want. I guess I'll be making a trip to the resale shop sometime soon. *sigh*

Grumble, Grumble

Ok, so I really want everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE to know what a truly crappy return policy Target has. I should begin by saying I love Target. The damned store just sucks you in and before you know it you've spent $100 when you only went in for shampoo. They have good stuff. That's why we did our baby registry there. So you can imagine just how upset I was last night when I went to return a few gifts we'd received at my last shower. They were all items that we either already had or simply wanted to exchange for something else. Nothing remarkable...some onesies with (shudder) footballs all over them, a rough feeling blanket, some bibs, those tiny baby caps (seriously, how many of those things can you really use?), and some bottles (the 5th set of the same ones, I might add). Now, the givers of these gifts didn't give us a gift receipt, but since everything was the Target brand, we knew where they came from...and tags were still attached. It seems Target's return policy is that if you don't have a receipt, you get to return 2 single items in a one year period for store credit. Since I was married last year, and apparently returned something sometime in the past 365 sans receipt, I'm stuck with these things. Just stuck with them. No matter I don't want them, don't need them, and would just like to get something else from their store...I'm stuck with them at least until my 365 days are up. Then I could return ONE of them...not all 5. (They can't actually tell you when that year ends either...go figure.) Am I the only one who finds this utterly ridiculous? If it were most anywhere but Target I'd just ban shopping at the store entirely. Instead I simply want EVERYONE to know...and complain! I feel completely taken advantage of by them. *sigh* Ok...that's my rant for the day.

The Golden Child...er...Piglet

So in my ever present quest to learn something new every day, today I was excited to learn that 2007, in the Chinese calendar, is not just the Year of the Pig, but rather the Year of the Golden Fire Pig. (let's have a collective "oooh, ahhh" here please) Apparently every 600 years or so this combination means that anyone born under this sign will live a life of luck & wealth. (Alright! At least one of my kids might take care of me in my old age?) Apparently this is causing all sorts of havoc at the hospitals in China & Korea as people are racing to have kids born this year. I have never put alot of faith in horoscopes, but I am always impressed when I read the traits of each of the signs on the placemats at Chinese restaurants. I just know that if my son can have luck & financial stability throughout his life, who can argue with that?

On a side note, the 13 year old kidlet made me proud last night. Her CO2 car was on display at the Technology Fair. Her teacher said that though hers wasn't the fastest, it was the most creative. (It looked like a goldfish.) He also said she is the hardest worker in class & the least trouble. Ah, golden words to a mother!

The Other Parents...the Godly Ones

Last Friday we invited the hubby's sister and one of his oldest friends over for dinner & games. It was a lovely evening and we surprised them both by asking them to be the godparents to our forthcoming bambino. It was a decision we didn't take lightly and chose them because 1. they are both Catholic (a requirement of the church), 2. they are both people whom we feel can bring an interesting perspective of life to our son, 3. will be active participants in his life, and 4. who really have a strong sense of faith and are comfortable with expressing their religious and worldly views. It's not an easy task to select those individuals whom are supposed to take on that "Godly" role in a child's life. I realize that most "Godparents" don't really fulfill much of a role beyond the baptism, but I'd really like it to be more than that. I'd like to think that they will have a special place in his life. Of course, I believe that all of our friends bring new perspectives and experiences to us, that's why we choose them as friends, and why we want them in our children's lives. I'm proud to say that I have friends who are bright, intelligent, vibrant souls who can show him that people are all different. That's exciting.

Well, the new godfather brought baby a gift, unknowingly. It's this cool Rainforest bouncey seat that makes waterfall simulation, rainforest sounds & songs. It's sooo cute and colourful! I firmly believe someone needs to make something like this for adults...wouldn't you want a big comfy chair to relax in with soothing sounds & vibrations?

Just a bit o'blah

Well, the weather is still dreadfully cold (oooh...today's expected high? 12 degrees! That's nearly a heatwave around here these days!), last night we did another night at "Dinner by Design" and stocked up the freezer with 7 more yummy meals in preparation for baby's arrival, which I might add is 2 weeks from today! I'm amazingly achey, uncomfortable, akward, and finally have most things packed in a hospital bag. (Any suggestions of things I might be forgetting?) Today's final ultrasound reveals that he's measuring in around 6 lb. 9 oz. and everything looks great! I'm planning to continue working this week & next. What more can I say?

The Big Chill

Holy Crap it's cold! Today is the sort of day for bundling under the biggest, thickest sweater & socks you own, and then wrapping up in a giant fleece blanket with a big mug o'tea and doing nothing but watching some good movies. Why? Because it's freakin' -13 below outside with a windchill of -35 degrees! Yikes! Schools were all closed today (thank goodness) so the kidlet gets to stay in as well. No snow, just bitter bitter cold. Brrrrr.

My luck I'll go into labour.

Let the Countdown Begin...

Well, I've been trying to post this for a few days but had some issues with Blogger. But allow me to share my BIG news...

Baby is scheduled to be born in less than 3 weeks!! February 21st will be his birthday!!! I can hardly believe that in that short of time I'll be holding him in my arms!

I was banking on the 20th so he'd be a Mardi Gras baby, but instead I'm giving up being pregnant for Lent!