The Pursuit

I just finished watching "The Pursuit of Happyness" with Will Smith. I cried. Hard. Because I've known his desperation. I've been in that situation...not knowing where my child & I were going to sleep or if we would eat the next day. I've known that pain of wanting desperately to take care of your child and feeling alone and scared...but trying to make it good for them all at the same time. My daughter slept in a large closet I called a room & put up pretty sparkly things to try to make her feel like it was here little private space. I'd send her for an overnight with her grandmother or dad so she wouldn't know I didn't have any food in the house that night. I went many days without food, so she could eat. I've gone years without new clothes so she'd have anything she needed. I've played the game of "let's only use candles tonight" so she wouldn't know the electricity had been turned off. I pulled her into bed with me, under all the blankets we had when we had no heat. It sucked, and I'm not proud of it. But that hell only lasted a year or so. But I will never be the same person because of it.

Fortunately today we have a house & the bills are paid (thank God for my husband). Money is tight, but nothing like it once was. So why is it that deep down I still feel scared? Since my father died & mom is invalid in a nursing home, I still feel alone in this world, despite my husband. Despite my friends.

The kidlet begins 8th grade tomorrow. I can't believe she's that old now. Each passing year makes me realize that we're a step closer to her adulthood. I'm scared she been hurt too much, too deeply, because of the bad curves life has thrown us while she was little. When do you truly know?

BIG WHITE GRR

I'm frustrated beyond belief. I get this GREAT, shining review. And then I get yelled at. *sigh* For something I didn't do. *Bigger Sigh* Then we get our checks. I got a raise. 21 cents. Are you freakin' kidding me? *BIG MEGA SIGH!*
Just par for the course this week.

I'm on a desperate hunt for a second job. Money is tight & it falls on me to bring more cash into the house. Yippee. I know the "easy " solution is just look for a new daytime job, but that means I have to leave my kids with someone else to raise. I just can't do that. I don't care if it's grandparents or not, the thought of anyone other than us teaching the baby in ways differently than us, being there for every milestone, etc. many days a week just kills me. I will work a second job to avoid that from happening. And so I'm on the hunt.

Anyone know of any leads?

6 Months

I should have posted this yesterday, but time simply slid away from me, so here I am today!

I can hardly believe my Bug is 6 months old! Time has passed so fast, and he's growing each day. He's charming & sweet...and hopefully will always love his mama as much as he does now. (I know the picture is blurry, but you get a 6 months old to sit still for a digital camera with far too much delay!)

Things are good here...we've been relatively spared by the storms, though just south or west of us has some serious flooding. I worry about my friends, as I saw Wayne Co. & northern Ohio was under a great deal of flooding too. (Please let me know, ok?)

The kidlet is anxiously trying to suck all she can out of summer vacation, as school starts in just 2 short weeks. To me, the start of school is the start of fall...let's hope for some lovely crisp, cool fall weather, eh? I'm sad too that I didn't get to do even 1/4 of the things I wanted to do this summer. Oh well. This fall hold some promise of fun, so that's ok.

I'm obsessed. With Swap-bot. Please join us in the insanity. (I'll post a photo of my first "rewards" soon!)

Overdue

A review of all the things I've been meaning to write, but haven't had the time to.

1. Last weekend we had a lovely, waaaaay overdue dinner with our neighbours Ian & Abby & family. They are fun. They are kind. And now they are gone. How wrong it is that just when you truly realize the value of a great neighbour they have to move away? Still, it was a fun night and we will really miss them. I hope their new adventure southward brings nothing but joy for them. Hopefully we'll stay in touch & see one another again one day in the not-so-distant future.

2. I have a great best friend! (In case you didn't know that already.) I came home to find a package on my porch...what was inside, you ask? A gorgeous, hand knit blanket for the baby! A fun, fun, fun game for the family! And my favourite English chocolates, just for me!! Yeah...she rocks!!! (Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!! Now come visit so we can play!) (photos forthcoming)

3. We went to Irish Fest last night. FUN! I had all my favourite treats...curry fries, Walnut Whips, Yorkie bars, Bunruddy Mead, and great music. FUN! The sick & twisted par? Nowhere on the Irish Fest grounds could we find a Guiness! Just not right.

4. I'm going to Bristol RenFaire this weekend to play. I'll let ya know how that goes.

To Do. Do too.

UPDATES:: Too much to attempt to accomplish today.
1. Attempt to write some clever or witty blog entry. Nope, I've failed, this is the best you get for now.
2. Pick up paycheck. Cash said paycheck. Attempt to figure out why I've been charged the bank fees I've been charged thanks to stupid cell phone companies not following policy. Done. Done. Nothing finalized on deleted the bank fees unfortunately, but cell phone company was oh-so-kind as to credit me 10 whole dollars. Oh joy.
3. Buy kidlets school supplies. Done, with argument because no, she can't be satisfied with the generic 5 for $1 spiral notebooks, no they HAVE to be $2 each Pirates of the Caribbean notebooks. *sigh*
4. Buy groceries so we no longer are attempting to stretch the few piddly remnants of food in the freezer by adding tomatoes to everything.
5. Buy a new pair of shoes since the ones I wear all the time to work are literally falling apart.
6. Clean the house.
7. Buy a basket to store baby toys in the living room.
8. Laundry.
9. Color my hairs & cover up any tell-tale signs of aging.
10. Spend time with the kidlet AND baby since hubby will be working until 10pm tonight. Ok, at least I can say I've done plenty of this today with all the running around, and lunch out together.
Yeah, wish me luck.

Becoming Obsessed

Last night hubby & I had a lovely date night where we were able to go see the film "Becoming Jane". It was delightful! They successfully took the facts that are known about Jane Austen's life and filled in the rest to created a lovely, enjoyable historical fiction film worth watching again & again. Add to the pleasure that the film was at the Oriental Theatre in Milwaukee, one of the old ornate movie houses...complete with the organist playing before the film. After the film Marsha Huff, the head of the Jane Austen Society of North America did a talk back, discussing the fact from the fiction, answering questions, etc. All in all it was quite simply a lovely evening with my own Mr. Darcy.
(I couldn't help but show these two film shots.)

Farmer Me

Look what I plucked from my meager little backyard garden today! I couldn't believe it! And I have many more that should be ready in just a few days! Forgive me for being overly proud of such a minor accomplishment, but I'm hardly the "nature girl/farming" type! I can't wait to slice them up! YUM!

Tron to Bot!

This is too Cool!

Are you crafty? Do you like to shop? Do you like getting surprises? I am. I do. I love to!
That's why I was thrilled to stumble across SWAP-BOT! This site just seems to cool for words...but I'll try to explain. Basically you sign up (Free!) and you join a swap, you send stuff to a stranger, someone sends you things. Simple, right?
Ok...let's try this again. For example I signed up for the stationary swap. I will be given an international partner to whom I will send a brand new stationary set (I will look at their profile to see what kind of things he/she likes). Likewise, said partner will send me stationary. We've swapped! There are all sorts of categories for different swaps (I'm sticking with some rather simple ones first) from sharing art work to cooking tools or recipes to purses filled with goodies! It's free, it's fun, and the best part is you get a surprise in return. I love that!!

Faith or Fear?

Ok, I'm going to risk offending someone, but this is my blog, so I can express my thoughts, and if you can add any insight to counterpoint to this, I welcome it.
That said...today I realized evangelical christians scare the crap out of me! Seriously! I am a firm believer in balance; that any extremes are bad. And these people are definately the extreme. I had Jehovas Witnesses at my door...thankfully they left with a simple "I'm sorry, but I don't believe the same things you do and I really don't have the time to get into a discussion about it." I've actually gotten into religious discussions with these people before...and had an older man shake my hand & left respecting me despite the fact that I'm Catholic. But what really disturbed me was the fact they were dragging their children around with them. Little kids, no more than 10 and as young as about 6, dressed in long sleeves & trousers (or skirts) on a humid 90+ degree day, while all the other kids are running around playing & swimming. Is this the self-sacrifice God expects of us? Somehow, I don't think so.

Then I had to satiate my curiousity and watch the documentary "Jesus Camp". Wow...talk about scary! These evangelical Christians are only perpetuating fear in children. They are teaching them ridiculous things like "there is no such thing as global warming". Ok, its one thing to argue creationism vs. evolution (a pointless argument to me as I believe they go hand in hand) but its another thing to say global warming is a lie. What?? Are you kidding me? (Watch "An Inconvenient Truth" please!) They are teaching kids that God allows us to hate anyone who doesn't believe what they believe. They are telling kids things like"Harry Potter is evil & would be killed if this was during the Old Testament". Uh...hello....have you actually read the Old Testament? 1. Taught in parables. 2. If you are going to say that is the teaching of the Bible to believe then you sure as heck better not be eating an shellfish or certain meats either. People, you don't get to pick & choose which parts of the Bible suit your needs! And by virtue of calling yourselves "Christians" that means you believe in Jesus Christ, and therefore the teachings of the New Testament...stories of love & kindness & forgiveness. Jesus embraced the outcasts for a reason...to show love to ALL. *sigh*

I truly believe our American media perpetuates fear. These people simply live by it, and unfortunately, are breeding a new generation with fear AND hate.
Update: I feel like I have to say, so I don't sound like a hypocrite...I don't expect others to believe what I believe. That's why I welcome any opposing views...or support.

Growth

So the kidlet is back home after spending the summer with her father. She had a great time, saw almost every movie worth seeing this summer, went to sports camp & her first sleep-away camp experience too...which was possibly the coolest things she did. Besides the usual camp experiences, she had theatre (and received the highest advanced acting award!), photography (yes all the photos here are ones she took), canoeing & kayaking, and horseback riding. Not only did she get to ride, she actually learned how to STAND on a walking horse. The performer in me is amazed & thrilled...the mom part of me is glad to know after the fact! I wish I'd gone to camp as a kid, but I never had the chance. Growing up on a lake, with endless trails to explore with your friends through the woods, I guess parents just didn't see the point. Plus I went to year-round school. Perhaps they should have summer camp for adults? I think we need it more than the kids do! Now she's off to Art Camp all week, then learning to sail on Lake Michigan after that. Yeah...it would be nice to have summer vacation as a grown up.

Treasure

Read this. Then immediately run to your children & hug them. Hard.

Ok, I can't just let this go, I need to make a comment. This is beyond tragic. However, as someone who grew up on a lake I think it is so very important to realize water is greater than us. I should be respected, but not feared. No one, adults or children, should EVER swim alone...and by that I mean if you're in the water, someone else had better be IN the water too, not just on the shore. No one should ever experience this.

Dog Days

It's hard to believe August is here. The summer is drawing to a close and soon enough it's back to school time. I feel I've hardly begun to enjoy the summer, and yet, time is speeding by. And with the steady ticking of time, I'm quickly realizing with each passing day we're getting older.

I know that probably sounds silly, of course we are! But I think we tend to drift through most of the time, taking it one day at a time and always anticipating something in the future. Maybe its because I, personally, don't have anything I'm really waiting for, feeling excited about. And that's really something I thrive on. And so, the dog days of summer tick by.

My kidlet comes home on Saturday. I am looking forward to that. I've missed her, but I know she's had a great summer...and has more to come....Art Camp, learning to sail at the yacht club camp, her best friend's birthday party, and just hanging out. Ah, to be a kid again.

This photo totally represents the essence of childhood to me...eating snowcones & popcorn with one of your best friends, while watching a waterski show...while mom & dad sit 5 rows behind you.

Here's to Good Friends...

This past weekend was GREAT! It was like a mini-vacation since some good friends, The Gilberts, came to visit. We had soooo much fun! And it only reminded me, yet again, how much we all have in common. Their daughter was a joy!

Saturday we ventured out to Old World Wisconsin, followed by steaks on the grill & an introduction to a hilarious game, Gloom.

Sunday was off to the Bristol Renaissance Faire. I haven't been a patron in about 13 years. It was a different experience, and I don't want anyone to think I didn't enjoy my time with my friends, but I think it will be another 13 before I'm a patron again. It's just too hard to NOT be performing. I was pleased to see one of my favourite bands, Tartanic, perform though!

Monday was sightseeing around my town & out to the lighthouse. I hope my friends made it home safely & we can't wait to get together with them again!

Shop & Save a Life

Today begins the start of a wonderful new opportunity for you to be charitable while doing your shopping. Parent Bloggers is giving everyone the kick to raise money for their favourite charity in the most ingenious way...by doing what we all love...shopping. "So what does that mean, Kimba," you ask. It's sooo simple. Following this link, shop online with any of the retailers on the site's pull down menu (you'll be surprised to find many of the big name sites on there -- Disney Store, Hallmark, Linens 'n Things, etc.) and I've set it up to that 50%...yes, 50% of the proceeds go to the Multiple Sclerosis Foundation.

Multiple Sclerosis is an often misunderstood disease because not only does it affect every person with it differently, science still hasnt' determined exactly the cause yet. As a result, funding is often minimal to the research for a cure. Insurance companies & Medicaid won't always cover the care & treatment of individual's with MS. That's why any funds that can go to finding a cure are so important.

You see, my mother suffers from MS. Besides being a wonderful mom to me & my many siblings, mom used to be a professional figure skater & an award winning dancer. She was full of life & vitality. A petite blonde with a pixie haircut, I don't think I ever saw my mother wear anything but spikey high heels. She was hip & fashionable and she & my father loved to travel the world. She grew up in Chicago & loved the city. When I was in college she had started stumbling, & her legs felt weak. She was eventually diagnosed with MS. The disease attacked her fast, and within a couple of years she was in a wheelchair. This physically active woman no longer had use of her legs. My father cared intensely for her, and she willingly tried anything & everything that might help (including enduring bee sting treatments...something I could never do!) Unfortunately NOTHING has helped. She does not have the sort of MS that goes into a recessive state (like Montel Williams has), but instead her is ongoing. My mother now is forced to reside in a nursing home, unable to any longer wheel herself around, or even feed herself. Mentally she is bright & alert. Physically her body is a shell that she can no longer control. It's sad & difficult to see, knowing I can't do anything for her.

Ah, but I can! And so can you! Again, please consider shopping on line through iBakeSale, so that 50% will go to Multiple Sclerosis research. And just so you know, if you join you can set up your own funds (whether they be for a cause or the "charity begins at home" cause), though I hope you'll consider being a part of my MS group. My mom & I thank you.

Here are a few facts about MS:

Multiple Sclerosis is the most common progressive and disabling neurological condition in young adults
Approx 2.5 million people worldwide, have Multiple Sclerosis
Around 400,000 people in the United States have Multiple Sclerosis.

MS doesn't kill, but it does shorten a lifespan by an average of 7 years.

MS affects women 2:1 over men in the US, and 2:1 caucasion over other races.

The rate of developing MS is 1 in 800, meaning you probably know someone who has it or you will get it...what better reason to help find a cure?

A glass of wine, a good movie & You

One of my favourite distractions is bopping around Netflix, checking out films I might never had known about, rating those I have seen, and seeing what recommendations they come up for me. (Trust me, some really make me chuckle.) It is rare that I go to the cinema, I just can't often justify the rising cost for the quality of the movies. Harry Potter cost us $20 the other night, plus another $9 for the smallest popcorn & one medium drink. So for me to spend that it has to be a film I REALLY want to see on the big screen (in this case, the MegaScreen). Otherwise I'll just wait until the film is out on DVD, snuggle up at home & watch it. I was never any good at returning a movie to the rental shop on time. I've probably spent far more money in late fees than going to the cinema would have cost me. And thus, the glory that is Netflix.

Now that I officially sound like the spokesperson for Netflix, I'll invite you to join my "Friends" list. I'm always looking for something new to watch.

Order of the Phoenix

Since baby boy was spending the night with the grandparents, we took advantage of the time to go see "Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix" on the MegaScreen last night. I quite enjoyed it! I keep hearing people talk about how dark it is, and yeah, it should be! This is really the turning point in the HP stories. They've been students getting into some pretty difficult situations, but now the gauntlet has been thrown down and it's now no-holds-bar against Voldemort.

I felt it was done well, though I would have liked to have seen more with the actual Order of the Phoenix. The fight between Voldemort & Dumbledore was exactly as I'd pictured it in the book. Luna Lovegood is far more endearing than I expected (I thought she'd just be annoying, but really that title went to Cho). The special effects were excellent. Given this was my least favourite book, I can't wait for more!

Confession time...Daniel Radcliffe (Harry) is just far too good looking & has far too nice of a body for a boy so young.

Birthday Wishes, Karma & Marley Chains

I spent many years being a cynic, always believing it was better to expect the worst rather than be disappointed. I no longer view life so dark. I know what made me get over it...drastic events...being kicked to the curb (and the gutter), losing myself and having to pick my way back into life. The irony of these sorts of events making me less cynical is not lost on me, but then my life is often ironic. I tend to think I'm more of a realist now. I try to learn from my experiences, especially my mistakes and use them to move on, hopefully become a better person because of it.

And yet, I can't seem to move on from a few friendships I've lost. There are a couple of friends who took themselves out of my life, and try as I might, I can't seem to get over it. They are like Marley's Chains hanging around my neck, weighting me down, tightening now & again to remind me that no matter how I might try, I haven't let go. I want to, I really do. I want to be able to say "it's over, its been years since you've been in my life, and I've moved on". But try as I might, I can't. I can't because I know what wonderful people they really are. I know how uniquely talented they are. I know that my life, heck I was better, because they were in it. I haven't let go because they are no longer a part of my daughter's life & she still thinks of them fondly. I haven't let go because it makes me sad that my son may never have them in his life. I haven't let go because part of me still wonders if they ever think fondly of me, and if things could ever be mended?

I believe I have begun to make amends with one of them. She has influenced, inspired, and affected my life for a long time now, even when she wasn't always around. I am continually grateful for even the briefest glimpses she gives me into her life, despite my wish for more. She will always be my red angel. The second friend is silly & strange & talented. I hope she is having nothing but success. I may never know. And the third. The gentleman. Out there somewhere in the world celebrating his birthday today. I hope he's happy. I hope he's well. From him I will always wish for answers. I can do nothing but send the most wonderful of birthday wishes for him out into the world.

I know I should just get over it. I want to. I can't. The answers & the closure isn't there. The Marley Chains are too heavy. Perhaps they always will be?

Dumbledore's Army

Allow me to briefly state just how freakin' excited I am that Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix opens tonight at midnight! I can't wait to see it! (No, I'm not going to the midnight show, but I will go on Thursday night hopefully.) And then next week the 7th (and sadly, final) book will be out! I have oh-so-much speculation about it, and who will die. How 'bout you, are you excited about Harry Potter month?

Stupidity Pays Apparently

I won!

Let me explain...a few days ago I participated in the Parent Bloggers BlogBlast. We had to write about the stupidest questions we've been asked as parents. Well, those kind, wonderful women selected Dawn & I as the winners. I'm honoured!

What's the loot? The booty?

An iPod Shuffle & an autographed copy of THIS book! How cool is that?

Maybe you should join in the fun with Parent Bloggers? They rock!

Let's Play History

I recently came across a website that think has the potential to turn into something great. Have you ever wanted to know where to buy a Victorian bonnet? How about wanting to learn to forge your own armour? Want to attend a reenactment of a Roman battle? These are the sort of things you'd be able to find or learn about at Let's Play History. But the site needs to be built up. Artists need to advertise. Groups need to promote themselves. So if you love history, know people who do, or have knowledge that needs to be shared, I strongly encourage you to poke around the site, sign up, make a small (or large!) donation. Maybe you can offer your services? Or maybe you just want to know more. This website could prove a great resource.

No, I don't have any affiliation with this group/website. I simply see the potential it has. Please help it flourish & help keep history alive!

Is that a Real Baby?

I realize that sometimes people are...er...well...just plain stupid. And for some reason when they see a pregnant lady, or a new mom, they just seem to open their mouths and let the stupidity fall out. Anyone who has a child has witnessed it...and wanted to scream. Instead we smile politely, answer their ridiculous question, and move on. So today Parent Bloggers is asking for those stupid questions. (You too can join in the fun, and maybe win an iPod)

I had to think about it, because there are just so many..."How many babies are in there?", "Your breasts are already so big, are they going keep growing?" and "Oh he's beautiful, he must look just like his father" (gee, thanks for telling me I'm ugly as sin!) But I realized that possibly the A#1 stupidest question I've heard yet (and yes, believe it or not I've had it asked several times now!) is "Is that a REAL baby?"

Are you kidding me? At the Civil War reenactment I had it happen at least a dozen times. At the 4th of July parade (in our Elizabethan costumes) I had it happen at least 4 times. But the worst is that I've actually gotten it while in "normal" clothing at Target. So what do I say? Usually I'm polite and smile and say "Well, of course", but on occasion I have been particularly snarky about it and replied "No, he's a puppet" or at the reenactment "No, they didn't have babies during the Civil War". (Yes, they did say "Really?!" and thus, again I say, people are stupid.)

"Don't you wish you could have just handed them this?"

the 5th

Don't you hate when holidays fall midweek? We still have several days of work afterwards, and that's always a little let down. The 4th was pleasant. Friends came to visit, we BBQed, and then we went to see the fireworks on Lake Michigan, which is just always a good time. I love fireworks. No, I REALLY love fireworks. There is just something about them that always makes me feel like a kid inside. Last night's fireworks were especcially fun because I was able to watch my son seeing fireworks for the very first time ever. He was just wide-eyed with awe & wonder. Every now and again he'd look up at me or over at his Papa as if he was saying "Did you see that? Are you watching this? It's amazing!" It was a joy for us to see that wonder in his eyes, and wish we could always see the world that way.

Independence

To anyone who knows me, I am far from being a patriot. That doesn't mean I don't support the basic liberties this country is known for. I am a firm advocate of free speech & adhere to the "if you don't like it, turn the channel" philosophy. I believe people can & should speak out on injustices in the country & government. I believe in freedom of religion, and with that allowing debate & discussion (not terrorism). Basically, I believe that in a "land of the free", we should, in fact, be free. I also believe that in a country that declares itself a democracy, we should actually be a democracy.

However, I do think that many of our rights are being stripped from us. I believe that the seperation of Church & State is being destroyed. I believe that Capitalism is taking over in all aspects of living in the USA. I believe that the most basic needs of people, and especcially children, are being compromised. And because of these things, I belive that this Independence Day we need to reclaim that independence as the citizens of the USA. We need to stop being silent & complacent about the issues -- whatever they are -- that bother us and let our government know! Thousands of young men & women have died --and continue to die--in Iraq, and our President still refuses to hear the voices of the US public, crying out.

I urge everyone to please take advantage of this 4th of July to do more than have burgers on the grill. Write a letter. Give a speech. Educate a young person. And contact our "so-called" leaders & let them know what you want to change in this country. Here's a good place to start.

Holiday Parades

So yesterday we joined some friends (all of which are not "officially" performing at the Bristol Renaissance Faire this year) to represent the faire in the 4th of July parade. It was fun, actually. And this is the first time -- for all the damned parades I've been in over the years -- that we actually were able to ride on a float! Trust me, when you've walked miles in ungodly heat, dressed in 30-50lbs. of fabric, this is a thrill! The baby joined us (and promptly slept through the actual parade) in his first Elizabethan costume. (Thank you Misty!) Believe me, the irony of a bunch of people representing English nobility, complete with the Queen, during an American Independence Day celebration, wasn't lost on us. I just loved the amount of people along the parade route who actually shouted out "God Save the Queen!"

We're having a few friends over for a cookout & fireworks on the 4th. How are you celebrating?

I'm Addicted, I admit it...

Addicted to select reality shows. I can't help it. Now, I've never watched a single episode of "The Bachelor", and I haven't been able to care about "The Real World" since MTV started casting only drunken whores & homophobic frat boys on the show. Other than the train wreck that is the auditions, I couldn't care less about watching "American Idol". BUT, there are some shows, the BRAVO channels ones specifically, that are a weekly addiction to which I must have my fix. It started with "Queer Eye..." and from there has spawned into a need to get my fix with "Project Runway", closely followed by "Top Chef". (Sorry, "Top Designer" was a bit of a let down, though it didn't stop the hubby & I from watching each week.) Elsewhere you'll find my TV tuned to "Hell's Kitchen" and "So You Think You Can Dance"(where I feel they really do have talent, really do have to stretch outside of their comfort zones, and where the audience actually can learn something). I took dance for years, and so I know how hard it really is to learn these routines in only 3 days. I've wished I was good enough to be a chef, so I admire their palates & ingenuity. And, the thing is, these are the ONLY television my husband will actually sit down & watch. Who am I to deny an uninterrupted hour with him? So, there you have it, I'm finally admitting it out loud...I'm addicted.

Blood of Virgins will HAVE to keep me Young Forever

$4855.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth
Wow, and I always joked I was worth more dead. I guess I was wrong. Perhaps I will have to live forever?

I Want to Blogher

Ok, so to the greater blogosohere this little space is really rather irrelevant, BUT I've decided that I REALLY want to go to BLOGHER 2007. It's a conference of (mostly) female bloggers. It's a chance to meet, talk, kvetsch, share, brainstorm, and drink cocktails. And this year it is an hour & a half from my home...and I want to go, dammit! Problem #1..work. Problem #2...cash. Anyone care to make a donation? Give me your vote, should I go or not?? And tell me if you're going!!
**UPDATE!** I'm NOT going. I can't justify the finances when it would mean taking days off work. And I would really would like to go visit my friends!

My Bug

Ok, tell me this kid isn't oh-so-handsome...I dare you.


Have I mentioned I'm totally in love with my kids?





Tonight we're going to Polish Fest. They have a Polish vodka tasting...oh drat!

Have a GREAT weekend!

Father's Day

I hope everyone enjoyed their father's day. I hope you gave your father a call. A hug. A card. A gift. I hope you told your husband what a great dad he is. And I hope he is. Our was spent with the in-laws (which was fine, if unexpectedly long). It was nice to get a 4 generation photo of the guys. Kidlet is off to visit her father for the summer. And me, I tried hard to not think about my dad.

Then I realized I shouldn't avoid thinking about him. He was a great man. He set the standard when it came to romancing my mother, and thus my expectations are high. He was brilliantly smart & loved to learn about the world, and expected the same from me. I expect the same from my children now. And he was a wonderful dad. He was sometimes demanding, but was always kind & loving. I never doubted I was loved.

But I miss him. Alot.

Someone sent this to me via one of those email forwards, which I must admit that when I see those things, particularly from certain friends who seems to want to forward every one that comes their way involving "...and Angels will watch over you...", blah, blah blah. Yeah, yeah, whatever. But this one I took the time to read and thought "Hmm, some sound advice there actually." So, here ya go (with a few of my own comments thrown in for good measure).

WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...enough money within her control to move outand rent a place of her own,even if she never wants to or needs to (so true, as I was stuck witout this during my divorce)...A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...something perfect to wear if the employer,or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..a youth she's content to leave behind(I'm glad to say I did alot & don't feel like I need to recapture my youth. However, I'm far from old & like to believe that I'm only at a wiser stage of youthfulness)....A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward toretelling it in her old age(This is where I have to say that I'm hoping to still make it juicy)....A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra (and know how to properly use them all!)...A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....one friend who always makes her laugh.. and one who lets her cry (I'm fortunately enough to have that in one best friend)...A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family (true, but there is also something to be said for antique furniture too)...A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,and a recipe for a meal,that will make her guests feel honored(yes, but you need to use them all on a semi-regular basis. Why wait for guests to use the good china & crystal?)...A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a feeling of control over her destiny...EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to fall in love without losing herself...EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to quit a job,break up with a lover,and confront a friend without ruining the friendship (Amen! And know how to bounce back when they happen to her)...EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that she can't change the length of her calves,the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents(sigh)...EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that her childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over...EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to live alone, even if she doesn't like it...EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .whom she can trust,whom she can't,and why she shouldn't take it personally...EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...where to go...be it to her best friend's kitchen table...or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul needs soothing(this is sometimes the hardest things to realize)...EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she can and can't accomplish in a day...a month...and a year.(Here's to accomplishing something great every day!)

Nazi Squirrels?

For anyone who has ever doubted my belief that squirrels are evil, have it in for humanity, carry the black plague and really can't be trusted...check out this news report:

BERLIN -- An unusually aggressive squirrel attacked three people in a German town before its last victim finished it off with a crutch, police said Wednesday.

The rodent jumped through a living-room window in Passau, on the Austrian border, on Tuesday and bit its first victim. With the squirrel hanging on by its teeth, the woman ran out into the street, where she managed to shake the animal off.

The animal then entered a building site and jumped on a construction worker, injuring him on the hand and arm, before he managed to fight it off with a measuring pole.
"After that, the squirrel went into the 72-year-old man's garden and massively attacked him on the arms, hand and thigh," the spokesman said. "Then he killed it with his crutch."

Told ya. Squirrels...they WILL bite you & kill you!

*UPDATE* Just in case you don't believe me...here are more news articles about these Satanic beings! Check out this little bit of squirrel hatred too!

Summer Reading

(This is a repost from 2005...but with the added note be a part of a Summer Reading Contest. Summer reading...it's a good omen...)

GOOD OMENS
The funniest book I’ve ever read. In my opinion, possibly the funniest book ever written. Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett co-wrote this brilliant novel "based on the prophesies of Agnus Nutter, witch". The antichrist is just a regular British schoolboy, with a dog named (appropriately) Dog...hardly a hound from hell. The angel would want to be my friend because of his gayness and penchant for art and literature. The demon and I would be drinking buddies, we have similar driving skills, though all of his music has a penchant to turn into Queen’s Greatest Hits. I feel happy every time I read this book...why? Because it’s hilarious. Go ahead...read it...I dare you...and I dare you to NOT laugh. I don’t believe it can be done. Kim first introduced me to this book. It was purchased. Lost. Purchased again. Stolen. Purchased again. Loaned out and never returned. Purchased again in London. Loaned again, never to be returned. And finally purchased one more time in Toronto. What would ever make me re-buy the same book over and over? Uh...the 4 motorcyclists of the Apocolypse, I guess. But I can’t feel bad in knowing that the book was taken from me over and over, because others found it just so damn good too. I don’t know just how many times I’ve read that book in the past 12 years or so, but a hell of a lot.It’s hilarious...read it...before the end of the world...next Friday at noon.

Tourist Cheese

Tomorrow hubby, kidlet, her friend Rudy & I are off to spend a couple of days at the Wisconsin Dells. Its a total cheesy tourist town with the world's largest water parks, Ripley's museum & like attractions, putt-putt, go-carts and kitsch galore. And I'm totally excited about it! I won a package from one of the local radio stations *WKTI* so we get to do all sorts of attractions for FREE! (There's no way I'd actually pay money for these things, but free makes them completely fun!) We're even staying at a hotel with a Candyland theme waterpark! I can't wait to have endless photos of the tackiness! I only wish I could share the silliness with some friends too. But this is going to be a great chance to spend uninterrupted time with the kidlet before she's gone for the summer. And baby gets grandparent time. Not to mention goofy time with the hubby, something we haven't done in a VERY long time. My expectations? No stress! Nothing but laughter. Let's hope that's the way it goes! Have a great weekend!

Where does my time go?

The school year is wrapping up, and in just a week the kidlet will be boarding a train to visit her father out of state for the summer. She'll have her cell phone, her iPod, her GameBoy, a plethora of books, sketchbook and digital camera with her to occupy her time. I'll kiss her farewell for a few months, and hope that she & the baby don't have too difficult a time rebonding once she's back. And then I'll sit back and wonder, as I am now, when did she get so grown up?

As I was sitting up rocking the baby at 2am, I drifted back to when she was so small. It seems only a day ago that she was smiling up at me while I sang to her "the wheels on the bus" and put her "toes up your nose" silliness. Only a few hours ago her father was wrapping the towel around her after her baths, her squeels echoing through the house as I'd chase her around pretending to eat my "baby burrito". Or refusing to go to bed until she'd performed "the wiggle butt" song & dance. Only minutes ago she was the little girl with long, long hairs who asked to have it all cut off to donate to sick kids who needed it. And only a few seconds have passed since she was my buddy, brave at my side as her parents divorced and we moved to a new state.

And now I no longer look upon a little girl, but a budding young lady. Full of curves, her own insecurities & triumphs, and a smattering of innocence perched upon adolescence and adulthood. There are moments I wish she too were still as small & blissfully content as my 3-month-old son. But I'm glad she is ready for the future, for whatever adventures await. She is still my "bunny" and, for now, still likes to be with mom. I can only imagine what time will have in store for us next.

Join the fun! The Parent Blogger Network and Light Iris are teaming together to award one lucky blogger with a free, 2-day pass to Blogher’s 2007 Conference in Chicago. Write your own post on “Where Does My Time Go?” and submit it today. Good luck to everyone!!

Happy Birthday!

No, not mine, but my best friend, Kim. Her family is off doing other things today, so I wanted to send her birthday greetings out into the blogosphere so the world could wish her happiness!

She truly is the best sort of friend. The kind who is there for you when you are down & can give her sound advice, and then kick your butt to get moving. We've been friends since freshman year of college & have no clue of how we met. We have endless tales that could blackmail or embarrass the other...if we weren't so honest about them, that is! We still giggle over the boys in The Band, though we love our husbands to death. In one another's eyes we haven't aged, nor will be ever, I suspect. Our children are cool because of us and they'll tell you so. Life is definately better for having her in it. We share the same name. (Which is particularly wierd when people ask if we're sisters...yeah, right, like our parents could only come up with one name?) But she is like a sister to me. And for that I'm blessed.

Happy Birthday KIM! (Stop by her blog & wish her a happy birthday too, ok?)

I Want Candy

Much like a scene from “The Breakfast Club” or any other John Hughes film of the 1980s, Carman High School held its smatterings of jocks, nerds, rejects, and social elite. We were a school in the ‘burbs of a big city, looked upon by most as the privelged of public school existence. The majority of students came from professional fathers & stay-at-home mothers. Some parents were “celebrities” of the city…well known doctors, lawyers, reporters or car salesmen. It was a comfortable existence in a school that really had all the amenities the ‘80s could afford. In high school, the cafeteria was a mix of the usual, and occasionally, unusual pairing of kids.

Today’s schools are focused on “healthy fare” with fine nutritional offerings. In the late ‘80s pizza was rectangular with a healthy layer of orange grease floating on the top. French fries (only 50cents ala carte’) were obviously the generic frozen variety, and the salad bar consisted of little more than iceberg lettuce, cucumbers and Ranch dressing. That’s why most students opted for lunch from the vending machines.

The vending machines were more than just dropping in your coins for a bag of chips and a pop (in a cup…schools didn’t get big bucks from Coca-cola or Pepsi then). The vending machines were where you were noticed. From any spot in the cafeteria you could observe the object of your pubescent lust, without the embarrassment of being noticed.

My friends and I had a code to tell one another that one of our crushes was at the machines. “I want candy”. Reminescent of the song by BowWowWow where the singer laments “…he’s got everything my heart desires…” it was the perfect way to share the information without others knowing. We could be talking, quite honestly, about wanting candy from said vending machine…and I guess we were.

The vending machines were often a beehive of activity, and the bustle around them also provided the ideal opportunity of the truly daring to “accidentally” bump into the object of their affection. I’ll admit to actually squeezing a tush or two on the rare occasion in passing…timing it so once they turned to see who the offender was, I was already past them & gone. Usually singing “I want candy…” under my breath.

Check out School Menu and its parental counterpart Family Everday, two sites that work together with School Food Services Directors to provide and promote healthy eating and physical fitness for kids and their parents. Both are great websites to offer recipes and ideas for encouraging you & your kids to get up and get moving. School Menu is colourful enough for the kids to want to click around the site to play, and learn something at the same time. Family Everyday offers some fun, easy recipes worth sharing with the whole family, not just in the kids school lunches!

Nightmares

Last night I had a dream my mother was murdered. Then I dreamt my husband was having an affair. With some ugly, blonde, fat chick. I drove to Chicago, then to his parents house.

I woke up from each in a cold sweat.

What does this say about how my week is going to be? *sigh*

You Know You Need a Date with Your Husband when the Closest You've Come to Being Intimate is Folding His Underwear

Don't get me wrong, it isn't that I don't mind folding laundry. I'd rather do that than several other household chores, but honestly I have barely had time alone with my husband (despite our recent getaway).

Our relationship has always been an "interesting" one. We were friends with no intention of anything more. One day we kissed. We were still friends. One day we made out. We were still JUST friends. One day we...well...we were still JUST friends. No matter how much we tried to deny it, no matter how much we (or perhaps HE) said we weren't dating, we were falling in love. And even after love had been declared, we still were never boyfriend & girlfriend...or dating. But the bubble was there. That crazy bubble that would engulf us whenever we were together, making the rest of the world fall away and only the two of us, together, existed.

But 3 months ago a little bundle we named Sebastian entered our world. Where Kaitlyn could open the door of our bubble to come & go, this little guy has just made it go away. I don't hold it against him, but the reality of it is that the hubby & I haven't been able to get inside that bubble and have that oh-so-important "us" time & space. I need some time for a little romance. A little intimacy. Hell, some weak in the knees kissing & perhaps a little make your head spin sex wouldn't be bad either. So, I wait, rather impatiently for the day when there is no laundry to do, no bottles to clean or diapers to change, and we can find that "bubble" again.

It may take another 10 years.

This post is part of a Blog Blast sponsored by E-Harmony Marriage, a new online alternative to marriage counseling (cool, right?) and Parent Bloggers Network. If you'd like a chance to win a $100 Amex Gift Card for a date out with your spouse/partner plus $100 cash for a babysitter, then write your own post "You Know You Need a Date With Your Partner When...." anytime today, send the link to parentbloggers@gmail.com, andthey will pick a winner at random. Click here for more info!

Enter at Platform 9 3/4

I'm so planning a trip to Orlando for winter of 2009! It was announced today that Universal's Islands of Adventure is building a Harry Potter theme park! It actually seems really great, with the actual film set builders, J.K. Rowling, the producers and others working on its creation. They promise no character look-a-likes, but recreations of Hogsmeade, Diagon Alley, and of course, Hogwarts Castle. Yes, there will be rides...but who knows what that will be? Flying brooms? That'd be cool. The official press release can be found here.

Summer Getaway #1

Last weekend the kidlet was off playing in the 18th century, so hubby, baby & I went up to Oshkosh (B'gosh!) to visit the Paine estate. It was gorgeous and made you truly feel transported to England rather than Wisconsin. The gardens were lush and lovely, with several different types of landscaping. And the exhibit of costumes was divine! (They didn't allow photos to be taken inside the building or of the costumes, but not one to be detered, I did sneak this photo through a window. Yes, that is Mr. Darcy's evening suit.) There were costumes from Elizabeth, Sense & Sensibility, Onegin, Ever After, Out of Africa, Dangerous Liasons, etc. I was mostly impressed by the fact that most were incorporated with vintage or antique fabrics. Well, I did get some shopping & swimming (and hottub lounging) time in the evening too. Sebastian had his first experience with swimming in a pool (or a "big bath" as I referred to it) and he LOVED it! Monday was off to Fond du Lac (yes, I find that a particular humourous name for a Wisconsin town...I always imagine it as Fondue Loch...Lake of Cheese!) where we visited the Galloway House & village. It was a cute little historical village and a pleasant enough way to pass the afternoon. We drove over to Lake Winnebago, which turns out to be the 2nd largest inland lake in the nation. They have an amazingly awesome park there with everything from bumperboats to a carousel to a petting zoo.

Now, this week is rather slow. I did win a Wisconsin Dells package from one of the radio stations, so we're considering going there for another getaway before the kidlet heads to her father's for the summer. Yeah, it definately seems like summer is here.

Because it really is all about Meme...

Consider yourself tagged it you're actually reading this. I'm bored (would you believe I accidentally came to work 1 1/2 hours earlier on a Saturday morning than I needed to? If only that meant leaving early...alas, no).

What were you doing 10 years ago?
How sad is it that 10 years ago I was being mom to the kidlet, then 3. Married to the now Ex. In Michigan. And working at the renaissance faire. Things, apparently, don't evolve drastically for me.
What were you doing 1 year ago?
It is actually the one year anniversary of starting my job at the Wustum Museum.
Five snacks you enjoy
1.Ice cream
2. Tortilla chips & salsa
3. brownies
4. Slurpies (mmm...)
5. Funyuns
Five songs that you know all the lyrics to
1. Save a Prayer (Duran Duran) 2. 99 Red Balloons (Nena...english & german versions) 3. We Didn't Start the Fire (Billy Joel) 4. Defying Gravity (Wicked) 5. What do you do with a Drunken Sailor?
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire
1. Pay off ALL of our debt, including the mortgage
2. Buy myself a car
3. Take a cool trip with the family to Europe (and probably bring my best friend's family along)
4. Put money away for the children's educations
5. Buy some gas for the car!
Five bad habits
1. Talking on the cell while driving
2. Not exercising enough
3. Incessant need to check emails & favourite blogs daily
4. Drinking soda
5. Spending money rather than saving
Five things you like doing
1. Being with my family
2. Sex
3. Being with my friends
4. Travelling
5. Acting
Five things you would never wear again
1. bubble skirts
2. neon clothing
3. knickers
4. sequin bustier
5. torn off-the-shoulder sweatshirt
Five favorite toys
1. Fashion Designer
2. Legos
3. Water/pool toys
4. Board games, esp. Clue or Balderdash
5. crayons & colouring books

Memories...like the corners of my mind

Here's hoping everyone enjoys their Memorial Day weekend (or Rememberance Day as it was known until sometime in the 1960s).

The kidlet is off to Vincennes in Indiana for Revolutionary War reenactment fun with our friends Jodi & Ray. Tonight hubby & I are going to see Johnny Depp in all his Capt. Jack gloriousness in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Happy Piratey goodness!

On Sunday hubby, baby & I are going to Oshkosh (B'Gosh!) to visit the Paine Art Center, which is a historical estate & gardens who are having a wonderful exhibit on historical costuming in films. Oh darn! I just HATE seeing fabulous mansions, beautiful gardens in full bloom, and lovely historical costumes! (yes, that would be sarcasm...the photo here is one of the costumes on display from "Emma"). Then we'll spend the night so I'll be able to luxuriate in a hottub & indoor pool, before going to see more historical mansions & village on Monday!

Enjoy your weekend, however you choose to spend it!

Sassy Again

WARNING! *These photos were both taken very early on consecutive mornings, so I look bed in both.* I cut my hairs! Ok, these are really bad photos, but I feel sooo good to be back to my sassy self rather than grown out, can't do anything with it, and damn those baby hormones as I have been pulling clumps of hairs from my head daily. But now...my hairs are short & cute (cuter when they've been brushed, but this is the best you get right now).

BEFORE

AFTER

Photos from the weekend

Pieter, Emily, Hannah & Sebastian VanRyen...our 1860s personas.

and some of the other members of the Great Lakes Reenactors Guilde.

And a few of the Civil War generals (Lee, Grant & Custard) with my guys.

Into the Past

This weekend the family, some friend & I will once again be stepping into the past as we head to Naperville Settlement down in Illinois for the civil war reenactment there. It's a fun time living as someone else for the day, while wearing pretty clothes. Of course, after having a baby & trying to squeeze into my 1860s dress was a trial by force last night. Thank God for corsets...and who really needs to breathe? (I can honestly say I prefer Elizabethan corsets over Victorian ones.) Next weekend the kidlet is going with our friends, The Steeles, to step even further into the past...she'll be reenacting the Revolutionary War at Vincennes,IN. There is something to be said for a 13-year-old who wants to "dedicate her life to historical reenactment". Maybe its a little crazy, but she loves learning the history & really its all about the clothing. (She is her mother's daughter, after all!) If anyone is around these fabulous events, perhaps you'll consider stopping in, visiting us, and learning a little?

Into the Wild

Spread literacy, free a book into the wild. I've tried to tell people about my favourite way of passing along the gift of reading, but I don't think many have joined in. So, I'm posting about it again today. It's fun, its relatively free, and its that random act of kindness that you put out into the world that, in my opinion, can only reap good karmic rewards.

The way Bookcrossing works is basically this: you go to their website, sign up, and then enter the books you are going to release and then where you're going to leave it. (Very simple.) Then you can purchase their waterproof bags or bookplates (or I think they have some you can just download for free), write the info on the bookplate, stick it inside the book, then leave the book somewhere. Anywhere...a Starbucks, the shopping carts at the grocer, your doctor's office, a park bench...literally anywhere it could potentially be found. (I found my first book stuck on a giant lion statue in a park.) Hopefully someone finds the book goes to the website (as instructed on the bookplate), enters the info and the intent is that they will then read the book, and then do the same thing...releasing it again back "into the wild" for someone else to find, read, & share.

The weather is getting nice, people will be outside more, give someone a book they may never have picked up before...today! It's cool. You should be so cool.

What Makes You a Mom?

**You too can be a part of the celebration of motherhood over at ParentBloggers today. Check out the fun, and then pop over to Light Iris who has some fabulousness you'll definately want to see.**
I am a mom because I have spent hours holding a baby so he’ll sleep while I go without. I am mom because I have spit up in my hair and on my shirt and I don’t mind. I am mom because I have spent hours holding back my daughter’s long hair while she puked. I am mom because my son has marked his territory…repeatedly…by peeing on me while changing countless diapers. I am mom because I have defended my child to teachers and bullies. I am mom because I hug my children when they’re good and reprimand then when they’re not. I am mom because I’ve survived insufferable heartburn through pregnancy and have the C-section scars & stretch marks to prove it. I am mom because I my clothes are from last season’s clearance rack while my kids’ are brand-spankin’ new. I am mom because my teenager can show me how to use any electronic device moments after purchase. I am mom because I could recite all of the words to countless children’s storybooks by heart. I am mom because I’ve been wounded by the words “You’re the meanest mom in the world” and have sometimes worn that title as a badge of honour. I am mom because I proudly film my child’s school shows with the video camera. I am mom because I play them back with pride. I am mom because I take my children to museums, historical villages and the theatre, as well as to Chuck E. Cheese and the waterparks. I am mom because I’ve served my children Mac ‘n Cheese with Kool-Aid for lunch, but Filet Mignon & asparagus for dinner. I am mom because I’ve ran along side a bike without training wheels. I am mom because my son will know how to cook & clean a toilet. I am mom because my daughter will know how to change a tire on a car and use a drill. I am mom because I’ve gone without food so my child would have something to eat. I am mom because when I hear of a child being shot or molested, I hold my children tight and then teach them how to be aware of the evils of the world. I am mom because I encourage my children to succeed, but let them know that sometimes we all fail. I am mom because I’ve taught my children to love.

Farewell my friends...talk hard, talk fast

Today is a sad day for me. My favourite TV show is ending & I just found out this morning thanks to Christine. For several years now my family knows that Tuesday nights are mine to share with Lorelai & Rory...the Gilmore Girls. These witty women with their endless pop culture references are like old friends I've witnessed change & grow. They could easily fit in with my real-life group of friends. I've wondered what it would be like to stay at the Dragonfly Inn in Stars Hallow. My daughter had watched the show and views Rory as a bit of a role model and has often said how glad she is that she & I have as close of a relationship as the characters do. And now there are only 2 episodes left before those "friends" are gone forever...with no advance warning of their departure. I'd have a farewell party if only I knew anyone else who watched the show as faithfully as I have. In true Gilmore style I'll wear a black veiled hat on May 15th.

Mama Lost

Today I'm feeling lost, and anything but a superhero. Stuck somewhere between the me I once was & the me I'd like to be. I can't help but feel that I messed up somewhere along the way & in making the choices I made, totally have made life more difficult for not only myself, but my kids, specifically my daughter. I can't help but feel "if only" and "what if" right now. I haven't a career in the respectable sense, but I'm not wealthy enough to not work. I know what I want, but I don't have the resources to do make it happen the way I want it to happen. People know what I can do, yet no one hires me. Worse, no one recommends me to others to hire. I once identified myself as "writer" and now I'm lucky if I can get a blog written that isn't complete fluff. I once was seen as "creative" now I have an occasional moment of crafty brilliance, but otherwise nada. I once was "philosophical & loved to debate", now my conversations amount to little more than the latest episode of "Oprah". I WANT to be the superhero. I want to make the world great for my kids. I want to take them to see the world, and experience it first hand. I want my daughter to be an exchange student, to learn languages, to see great art, to stand inside the beautiful architecture of Europe, to have a crush on an English boy, to write about the canals & rivers, to smell the French lavender, and taste the strudel. Instead I'm feeling like I can do no more than let her check a book out of the library and hope we return it on time.